The Ultimate College Housemate Survival Guide
When you think of moving into your own place, whether it be into an apartment or other college accommodation, you immediately think of the unlimited freedom, endless house parties, long awaited privacy. You just can't wait to enjoy your new-found independence. While that's all well and good, there are a few problems that inevitably arise whilst living away from home.
1) When You Want To Go Out But They're Being Dry Shites
You've had a shitty day at college, you knew 1/20 questions in that economics MCQ, your boyfriend/girlfriend just broke up with you, you're just pissed off with life in general, so obviously you want to go out and forget about it all. Only your housemates refuse to go out and come up with 100 different excuses to avoid accompanying you to the local. This is where your persuasion skills come in handy; play the pity card, beg & plead with them until they eventually change their mind - if this fails, go and sulk in your room where you can binge watch Netflix til you cool off.
2) When They Want To Go Out But You're Being A Dry Shite
Your housemate(s) want to go on a session but you're dying with a flu/have an assignment due at 9am tomorrow that you haven't even started/bat shit broke/couldn't be arsed. Your housemates accept you won't be joining but decide to go out without you. They also decide to invite half your class and the majority of your road/apartment block for pre-drinks. You enter the sitting room, pyjama clad and tell everyone to vacate nicely, only for them to return after the night club for the after party. War ensues in the morning when you wake up to sleeping/KO'ed bodies in various corners, empty bottles everywhere and not a clean cup in sight for your morning tea. Unfortunately, you'll need to just accept that this will happen every so often and go with it. But obviously refuse to help clean up!
3) Dishes Duty
This will amount to approximately 50 percent of all arguments in your college house. No amount of rotas will ever solve this problem. The best way is the "Clean your own" approach. However, people may clean their own at their own pace, which can lead to gross dishes being left for days. Minimal dishes and utensils causes a dish famine when it comes to meal time, and we all know that a hungry, tired student is not a pretty sight. Paper plates and plastic cutlery save lives people...
4) Shared Wardrobes Can Cause Wars
You've had your Monday Club outfit planned for the last week or so, your tan is looking on fleek, and you begin to rummage through your wardrobe in search of your new dress you spent half your grant money on a fortnight ago. You tear your whole room apart to no avail and roar down the stairs to see if anyone has seen it...Only to learn Housemate/Satan 1 borrowed it last week for a 21st and it's at home in the wash or worse you see housemate/satan 2 wearing it in her snapchat story...Hell hath no fury like a woman without her new dress. Do not take/borrow clothes without asking...EVER. Golden Rule: If it has tags, it's off-limits!
5) Beware Of Food Thieves
Do not touch your housemates food or drink. Rations are short enough as it is in college. Especially the alcohol or Ben & Jerrys! food "borrowing" always leads to arguments. If you do take the food, by God replace it before they return. Again the "Buy your own" approach works a charm. Don't do rotas with the milk/bread/teabags. Someone will always use more than others and tantrums will be thrown.
6) Whoever Puts The Immersion On Gets The First Shower
You're just back from the gym, you put on the immersion, grab a bit of food, go to hop into the shower to meet your towel clad housemate, squeaky clean coming out of the bathroom following a shower using your hot water. World War 3 occurs in the hallway and your sweaty self retreats to your room to wait for the water to heat again (and sulk). This will ultimately happen at least once a week. The best way to avoid this is to make a public announcement in your house and let everyone know you're taking a shower in approximately 20 minutes, hot water usage is forbidden until you vacate the shower.
7) Unwanted Houseguests
A simple heads up that a housemates significant other/friend from home will be lounging around the house for the foreseeable future would be nice and help to avoid tense situations. Visitors are nice in moderation, but when they're just lingering about the place for days on end, using your electricity and pissing you off in general, it's awkward. You can't exactly tell said guest to piss off, but on the inside you've already pictured yourself physically removing them from the house. Don't let your guests overstay their welcome, not cool.