Whale Sighted, Distressed, In Dublin Port "Will Probably Die"
Well, I can only apologise for penning what will almost certainly be the most dispiriting post you'll come across today. You could very well have gone about your business entirely oblivious to the fact that there is a whale knocking about Dublin Port that is, according to Dr Simon Berrow of the Irish Whale and Dolphin Group, 'presumably disorientated'.
Well, I had to disabuse you of your previous state of blissful ignorance, but there is a whale knocking about Dublin Port that is - as I mentioned - 'presumably disorientated'. The aforementioned Dr Simon Berrow has said that it appears to be a young, small whale.
This immediately discounts several alternate possibilities that the whale may actually have been any of:
- A small, disguised submarine deployed by an enemy state deployed to collect state secrets from Dublin Port.
- A man dressed in a novelty whale costume who has become separated from the rest of his stag party and is evidently in some distress.
- An animatronic sex-doll in the shape of a whale, designed by celebrated dolphin Fungie for his own sick gratification, that has somehow escaped and swept up to Dublin by coastal currents.
All of these potential alternatives can now be discounted, and it can be confirmed that it, unfortunately is a whale in quite a degree of a distress.
The whale was first spotted yesterday morning by people out walking on Sutton Beach and has since moved into Dublin Port where boats are being advised to give it a wide berth.
Dr. Simon Berrow stated that, unfortunately, "It looks in quite poor condition. It's presumably disorientated and I'd say it's possibly going to die."
Minke whales are commonly seen off Dublin's coast, however, experts don't believe this to be a minke whale. There are currently teams trying to ascertain what species it is and assess its condition. Dr. Berrow is however pessimistic about the chances for success of any plans to move the whale back out into open waters saying, "it will probaly end up stranding and dying".