12 Things He Says That Means He Loves You

Women are always given the reputation for being mysterious and cryptic, but the truth is that guys are just as bad. Luckily, I have provided you with a codex for breaking down the bizarre babble of the romantically disinclined.

1. "Which Shoes Should I Buy?"

It's three a.m. on a Tuesday and your phone goes off. It's bae. The text says it's urgent. He sends you two links, one to the Vans site and another to Aldo. The message: "white or blue high-tops?" You're in. He's totally devoted, admires your style and trusts you enough to consult you before making serious financial decisions.

2. "I Wrote A Song About You"

It's a phrase that strikes fear into the hearts of all women. You ignore your growing nausea as he bellows out four unfortunate verses and white-knuckle your way through the horror of the chorus. As the last shuddering power chord fades into the night, you can be sure he's in deep.

3. "My Mom Really Likes You"

Translation: I really like you. Mom is just a figurehead for a man's emotional capacity. Bonus points if Mom actually likes you.

4. "I've Made You A Pizza"

You smile as he hands you a microwaved piece of toast smeared with ketchup and the remains of a bag of "Mexican Three Cheese Blend." You are his Queen.

5. "You Have Nice Eyebrows"

Forget "You're gorgeous," "lovely," or "beautiful." He singles out one (usually bizarre) feature and decides to make it the object of his devotion. This also means he's spent time admiring your face and romanticizing his favourite part of it.

6. "Have Some Of My Fries"

He wants to share his favourite things with you! Instead of jealously guarding his McDonalds from your predatory gaze, he offers his coveted bounty to you willingly. That's love.

7. "You Smell Good"

Smell is one of the most important aspects of attraction. Chances are, the prehistoric cave-man part of his brain has locked onto your pheromones and found you ripe for the matin'.

8. "I'll Watch Love, Actually With You"

Sacrificing his dignity as a lad, he stoops to the level of the rom-com in order to please you. His servility is an act of true affection.

9. "You Remind Me Of Natalie Dormer"

...or any other female he happens to idolize. If he can't say he loves you directly, he'll use a foxy proxy.

10. "I'd Swing For You"

If a bear were to come bounding out of the forest while you were enjoying a romantic walk, he would stand his ground (and allow it to maul him) while you made your escape. The same rule applies to muggings and bar fights.

11. "You Can Drive My Car"

Or ATV. Or horse-drawn carriage. Or scooter.

12. "You're Chill As Hell"

He's too laid-back to use hype words like "I love you." Instead, he channels Jeff Spicoli. You're his cool buzz and his tasty waves.

Video: When Guys Think You're Obsessed With Them

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