13 Of The Worst Surprises When You See Someone Naked

Prosthetic limbs? Ugly battle scars? A penis in the wrong place? There are plenty of things you can only discover once all the clothes come off, and at that point, it might be just a little too late. Suddenly, you find that this Calvin Klein fashion model has tactfully used his swanky duds to hide the awful truth about his physical body, i.e, he's basically been a horse in a man costume this whole time. When it comes to the worst of the worst, these are the absolute worst.

1) Sasquatch Back

So ladies; he's had his tongue in your mouth, his hands have been groping your things, and your hips have been grinding hard against each others for the past ten minutes. He gives you a cheeky grin and takes off his shirt...only to reveal enough hair on his back to make a french braid. Tiny black rivets, running up and down the shoulders, slinking into random patches on his chest. They're literally completely covered in hair. Odds are, you would have noticed this before and steered clear anyway. But it's the little patches, the random patches, that makes it so much worse. There's a little hairy patch in the shape of Brazil on his belly! WTF?!

2) Loud Tattoos

Imagine if you will fellas; you've been flirting with a sexy punk chick all night. She's got a lot of sass and you can just tell that she's going to be wild in bed. All of this is confirmed when she pushes you back and hops on top of you. With a cheeky smirk, she reaches down and pulls off her t-shirt...and for bizarre reason, you find yourself staring at an enormous, badly-drawn face on her belly. You can tell it's supposed to be sexy, it's one of those pin-up girls from the 40's, but the artist clearly had too much coffee that day and now she looks like a young Mrs. Doubtfire. It makes sense when you think about it. The line between 'adventurous' and 'stupid' can sometimes be quite thin.

3) Birthmarks Shaped Like 'Animals'

Setting the scene ladies; you're in the back of his car, and the windows are steaming up pretty fast. You've already got your top off and you're pulling at his shirt. He's just kissed your lower neck when you whip off his shirt...."Is that...is that a penis?" He looks guiltily at the red shape on his left shoulder and lowers his eyes. "I always say it's an elephant," he says quietly.

4) Personal Space-Invading Belly-buttons

So guys; you've brought a girl back to your place, and you're both making out fiercely in your room. You lift her up and flop down heavily on the bed with your X-men bedsheets (because you're a cool guy that way). Your hand has been slowly crawling upwards for a while and now you're going into uncharted territory: under the shirt. But before you reach the second base, you come across....what is that? A toe? A really big boil? And of course, being a guy with no tact, you stop what you're doing, lift her shirt a little and see that belly-button sticking out, Like a little mouse out of a hole. Of course, this isn't so bad that it's a deal breaker. For you at least. The look on her face when you look back up, however...

5) More Piercings Than A Pub Dartboard

Imagine you've just scored with the hottest guy at a house party, and despite the bad boy persona he puts out there, he actually seems to be a really nice guy. He leads you into a spare room, and you feel a real connection. When you're alone and the lights are dim, he gives you that little half smile. Then, as if to say 'let's do this', he lifts his shirt off over his head....with an audible rattle. Suddenly, it looks like you're looking into a drawer of cutlery. Metal pings in the dim light, as you count no less that six rings in his right nipple. Good thing you guys have such a strong connection eh?

6) Panda Tans

Can you just imagine the best case scenario when you're on holiday? You've hooked up with this really hot girl in a night club and, after having one of the wildest nights in memory, she brings you back to her place. It's starting to get bright already, but you know the night isn't over for you yet (even though you can sort of feel those jagerbombs churning in your stomach). And as you get back to her place, she gets a sudden burst of confidence and pushes you into a chair. With a sultry look, she starts to slowly undress. She'll remember how clumsy she was, sure, but what will always stick out in your mind is the very obvious tanning lines, which reveal almost white skin. That said, she'll probably only remember your epic farmers tan, so it's a fair trade.

7) 'Bacne'

It's great that nerds are hot now right? Let's say you've just started going out with this really good looking guy. He's really smart and has good taste in all the things you're into, like TV shows and graphic novels. After your second date, you go back to his place and his flatmates are fast asleep. You get all cozy on the couch and, without even thinking about the others possibly walking in, you start getting pretty busy. You pull off his Iron Man hoodie and his Firefly t-shirt and throw your hands around his neck...only to find it's a little bit like caressing an expensive lump of cheese.....

8) Bibbidy Bobbidy Boobs

So your sister's friend has been texting you for the past few weeks so you think, what the hell? She's pretty cool and visually interesting so you go out on a date. It's all going well and then she mentions that she has a free house if you'd like to *wink* come back to hang out for a bit. Fast forward 15 minutes and you're both in her room. You dive under the covers, clothes flying in all directions. And that's when you discover that....well......have you ever seen someone with a lazy eye, and it's really distracting when you talk to them because you don't know which way to look? Imagine that, only on a larger, bouncier scale.

9) A 'Cute' Penis

He has his own car. He's really funny. All of his friends are really cool. He's smart. He's in a band that's big in the indie scene and getting bigger. He works at an animal shelter and lets you play with the puppies whenever you want. He's got the chiselled features of a Greek God porn star. But when the pants come off......"Awwww, is it hiding? How cute!"

10) "It's My Nubbin"

You know when people say "He's the whole package"? What if that package came with a few extras? Unwanted extras. Just imagine, the guy you're seeing, Chandler, has finally gotten over the fact that you have a prosthetic leg. Proud of how mature he is, you start making out in his armchair, your hands groping anywhere and everywhere. Suddenly, your hand brushes against a small.....what is that? Is that a mole? No, too big. Oh god, what is that?

11) Man-boobs

If a guy has good fashion sense, he can hide these shame bags until the very last minute. And in a way, that's the worst thing to do, because it's like standing on a step that isn't there. It's just such a shock if you manage to keep it hidden for so long! You see this really hot guy who has it going on in all the departments, but for whatever reason, you've never noticed that all the shirts he wears are very loose fit. Then, when the inevitable college sex parties roll around (they still have those right?), you'll hop into bed with this guy, and suddenly find yourself getting unreasonably jealous of his bust size. If he feels the same way about yours, it's a sign that things have gotten weird.

12) Crusty Bits

Imagine, if you will, the girl who has just left home for the first time, and is enjoying her freedom. She throws plenty of parties, wears old shirts with tears in them and really doesn't seem to give a shit. Which, as we all know, is insanely attractive to the cool guys. She probably listens to your favourite band and everything. With the confidence of a president who moonlights as a rock-star, she asks casually if you'd like to come back to hers to have sex. And, being a guy, you say yes. The first warning bell, which you ignore, arrives when you're making out and you notice a smell of old socks. But what the hell, right? Then, your hand reaches into her hair, and it feels as sticky as candy floss. Gross...but not enough to turn you away from getting laid. It's only when you get that fishy......sensation, that your nausea starts to overcome your arousal.

13) She Was A He Was A She

Really only a prevalent issue in Thailand, but that doesn't stop it being the most shocking on this entire list!

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