9 Reasons She's Mad At You

Oh no you didn't....You made her mad again. You idiot. What was it this time? If you know the answer to this question, then you have a distinct advantage over 90% of the male population. There can be a whole variety of reasons as to why she's mad at you. So sit back, relax and let me tell you how you've failed her this time. You idiot.

1) You Didn't Text Her Back

Now she's sitting there, blood boiling, revenge plotting and presuming the very worst. Text her now for the love of god man.

2) You Didn't Ring Her While You Were Drunk

Having too much fun were we? You must NEVER admit to having too much fun without her present, even though it's fairly likely to be true. She's pretty much certain now, that you've passed out in a ditch somewhere and have had your phone mugged, that'd be the only reasonable explanation after all.

3) You Rang Her While You Were Drunk

What a dick. How dare you ring her and wake her from her slumber, to tell her that even in your deepest, drunkest states, you're thinking about her. Absolute dickhead...

4) You Have 12 New Female Friends On Facebook

Oh that's really nice for you. Why not go and chat to them all in front of her while you're at it. That'll really rile her up. Maybe throw a few pokes in their direction too.

5) You Have Been Tagged In Photos With Hot Women

Right now, her thought process is something along the lines of, "it's a good think he's not that great looking, because these hoes look too hot to handle." Remove the tags now. It's for your own good.

6) You Chose A Lads Night Over A Date Night

Wrong. So very wrong. There is only one way to remedy this. You must pretend that one of the lads is leaving for Australia in the morning and you won't see him again for two years. Then proceed to cry, at the trauma of another lost friend. Gold star for effort.

7) You Called Her Friend Hot

Her friend may resemble a mixture of Kate Upton and Cheryl Cole, but you must remember this, never, ever, EVER attempt to acknowledge her hotness in front of your girlfriend. She will never forgive you and will get revenge by calling out the hotness of any of your male friends. Then you'll understand how shit it feels.

8) She's Hormonal And You're Happy

PMS, ruining happy memories since the beginning of time. Don't know what that is? Google it. In short it turns the most rational, balanced of women into weeping, physcotic, aggressive bitches. Steer clear and send her chocolate.

9) You Forgot A Momentous Occasion

Here is a list of the following dates you should never ignore. Valentines Day, Birthdays, Christmas, Yearly Anniversary, big nights out...I could go on, but if you don't know these simple dates then really, you're beyond repair and I cannot and will not help you any more.