The Fear: Symptoms And How To Deal With Them.

Ahhhh, 'The Fear' defined as the very real feeling that you have done irreparable damage after a long night of drinking. You can't help but feel like you've ruined your life, and all you want to do is wrap yourself up in a blanket and be a burrito of sadness. If you feel like you recognise this sort of feeling, then you may have experienced 'The Fear'. Here are the symptoms and how to solve them:

1) Symptom: A feeling that you will die soon (and not just from the hangover). 

I genuinely feel like I only have a few mere hours left on this planet, my whole body aches and the shakes have set in. My head also feels like it's about to explode; what a fabulous 'morning after.'

Solution:

Take two painkillers, drink lots of water and scoff as many carbohydrates as your body will physically allow. Hellooooo double cheesy pepperoni pizza!

2) Symptom: You Feel That Everyone Is Out To Get You. 

'Oh my god, why did the postman look at me like that?.' The very real paranoid feeling of the next morning is one to be avoided at all costs. It's not real, it's just your brains way of punishing you for drinking and fucking with you. It will haunt you.

Solution:

Distract yourself with any meaningless reality TV shows of your choice. It will rot your brain and this will deter the thoughts of impending doom.

3) Symptom: Angst About Whether You've Offended Anyone. 

Shit, did I really say that? Did I actually stroke my boss's sister's face during a conversation? Why have I got this scratch on my hand? WAS I IN A FIGHT?

Solution: 

Again, distract yourself. Stay away from all social networking sites at all costs and do not answer any phone calls for the next 24 hours.

4) Symptom: Textual Related Anxiety. 

Whyyyyyy did I text my ex? Who is that unidentified number that I seemed to call at 4am. Oh my god, I am dying of embarrassment.

Solution:

Delete all evidence of this. EVERYTHING. Or, you can just throw your phone down the toilet and deny any responsibility whatsoever.

5) Symptom: Fear Of Leaving Your House Ever Again. 

I am not under any circumstances leaving this house again in case I bump into anyone who I came into contact with while I was severely intoxicated. I cannot be reminded of my behaviour while under the influence.

Solution:

Don't do it. Simple. Just never ever leave the house again. Have all of your food delivered, do all of your shopping online. Become a hermit, sorted!