She's Just Not That Into You Bro: How to Know When to Stop Trying

• She says she’s not ready for a relationship

This is a massive tell-tale sign, a polite way of telling you to please ‘fuck off’. It’s not personal. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Unfortunately, in this instance, she’s just not that into you, bro.

• Her texts are vague as shit

This is one we can all relate to. Is this you?

“Hey, how’re you today? Just saw your Instagram haha its gas. What’re u up to tonight? wanna chill?”

“I’m good ha cheers”

Unfortunately, it’s time to pack in the dream. Yet again, she’s just not that into you, bro.

• She avoids eye contact & physical proximity

Allow me to set the scene: You’re in the club. You're following her like a creep. She keeps moving away from you. She doesn’t want to talk to you.

Leave her alone. She doesn’t like you. Let her go. She’s probably got crabs or some shit anyway.

• She says other guys are hot in front of you

This is fucking dark. Luckily for me, I’m the most handsome man alive, so this has never been an issue. However, I can imagine when a girl does this it’s pretty soul-destroying. Just ignore her. There are plenty more trout in the river, lad.

• She tries to set you up with other women

If she tries to set you up with other women, it's a blatant sign she doesn’t see you as her knight in shining armour. Take it on the chin. It's time to stop trying.

• She doesn’t laugh at your jokes

If she doesn’t laugh at your jokes, it's a clear sign the two of you are not compatible. There’s no point in trying to get her if she doesn’t get your humour. Relationships should be based on similarities, mutual respect and humour.

• She’s always vague about plans

If she never gives you concrete answers when you ask her out, it’s an ominous sign. Don’t give her the pleasure of messing with you. Don’t text her. You can’t make her like you, bro.

• She regularly cancels plans

This is a stage worse than the previous point. This makes her a grade A bitch. If she does this more than once, tell her to get the fucking boat.

• Her friends don’t know about you

Girls tell their mates everything. So if you walk into a bar with her and her friends don’t know who you are, it’s probably a really, really bad sign.

• She doesn’t get jealous when you talk about other girls

If she catches you staring at another bird’s ass and doesn’t bat an eyelid, it means she doesn’t give a fuck about you.

If she exhibits one or more of these signs it probably means you should jog on my son. Don’t dwell on it. 90% of the time it’s not love. It’s lust. Lust can be fulfilled by anyone. If it turns out she's the love of your life and she still isn’t feeling you, pack your bags and head for the mountains.

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