What on earth is up with people cycling bikes with no hands? It's a phenomenon that has been taken to extremes in recent years. There are lads sauntering down the street with both hands in their pockets, people texting while cycling, people cycling with their hands over their head! It's all too much.
Firstly, I'd like to address the ridiculousness of the act itself. It's not exactly more convenient to cycle with no hands, it's purely to look cool while cruising down the street. In reality, you're a car accident ready to happen, we all know those glasses have no prescription in them and you look like a knob. Let's go through the thought process of seeing someone cycling with no hands;
"Jesus, how does he stay up on that thing without any hands, I can barely stand on one foot, for feck's sake."
"What an absolute knob, I hope he falls off that thing."
"Wait a minute, is he texting on his feckin' bike??"
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"Man, now I really hope he falls off."
"What led this arrogant human to this point in his life?"
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"Now he's putting his hands in his pockets, ah lads."
"Why isn't anyone seeing this?"
"Skinny piece of shite."
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"His calves aren't even that big anyway."
"Oh shite, he's made eye contact with me."
This is how a normal person witnessing such an atrocious act may react. The absolute audacity of someone thinking they can completely reject the rules of the road and their own safety to look "cool." They're as bad as people who say vegan bacon tastes good.
Listen, I'm not hating on cyclists, I think it's a great way to get around and reduces our carbon footprint, but cycling with no hands is just too much. If you want to get around in a more convenient way, wear a helmet, put your hands on the handlebar and stop being a knob.
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