If you aren't sitting, do so. If you are sitting, please, stand up and sit down again for dramatic effect. If you are in a public place such as an office or bus, then try and pass this off as seamlessly as possible without coming across as utterly mental. If you are in any other pose; reclining, prostrating, squatting, or - if you are an NFL player reading this who opposes the Trump presidency - 'taking a knee', then please, give up these follies and sit, for the first official trailer for Star Wars: The Last Jedi is here, and it's basically an Irish Tourism ad.
One of the opening shots shows a line of AT-AT's, those sort of giant metal dog things that look like if Teksta got buff, marching towards a heavily CGI'd line of suspiciously Irish looking cliffs. One can easily imagine a soothing narrator fading in over this, perhaps Mícheál Ó Muircheartaigh's dulcet tones, calmly reminding us that despite appearances the chances of invasion from a fleet of vast cyborg-dogs remains minimal so you shouldn't be put off from picking up sticks and visiting our shores on account of this.
However the real money-shot is saved for a birdseye view of everybody's favourite incredibly sharp looking island, Skellig Michael. The trailer then picks up from where The Force Awakens ended, with Rey finding Luke Skywalker perched on the edge of a cliff, staring out over the sea, wearing some sort of very coarse looking robe; it all screams album cover for a 1980's metal band. There is then a brief montage where the two sort of dick around on the island attacking things and generally being a nuisance with their big light sticks.
It all has the vibe of one of those boutique restaurant retreats where you go to some cottage in the back arse of nowhere to be taught how to cook a coddle by a man with too many fadas in his name - but for Jedis. One can imagine a small page ad for it in a newspaper reading 'Come to detox and relax while learning who to scythe another human being in half with a beam of concentrated light. Stunning views.'.
There is then a fair bit of stuff which happens in space, which does not thematically fit with the angle I am going for in this article, so will choose to largely ignore.
If this doesn't make you want to visit Ireland though, then I literally don't know what will. This was our last shot. Please come.
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The movie will apparently be released in cinemas on December 15.
