Can it really be the end? It feels like we've only just begun, and now, already, we must say our goodbyes. The finale of The Great British Bake Off looms large before us, and before we know it, it too will be gone, leaving us bereft. Those of us, now so accustomed to our weekly carbohydrate-heavy reverie, will be forced to look elsewhere for our glorious 'cake-making-in-gazebo' combination that we've all come to know and love. I for one give myself only a matter of hours after the final finishes this evening before I am huddled in a hastily-erected, childrens pop-up tent in my back garden and shovelling freeze-dried cake-mixture into my mouth, watching the dry powder turn to a sickly paste as it mixes with my own tears, pining for Bake Off to return... Tonight's show is set to be magnificent.
For many people, myself included, this series really ended when Liam didn't make the cut two weeks ago. Still though, it seems the producers decided to soldier on with the whole affair, and now, after Stacey's departure last week, we are down to the final three. And I am here to evaluate these three humans to see which of them is most likely to win by doing a cake the best.
Now, some of you who may be aware that Prue Leith accidentally named the winner of the show earlier in a Tweet, may point out that this is a redundant venture since the winner is already known. This is undoubtedly true and yet, much like the show continuing after the departure of Liam, we too will soldier on, in sheer defiance of our evidently futile irrelevance.
First, we will look at who seems to be the runaway favourite for the title, Steven.
1) Steven:
If Steven had a spirit animal, it would not be an animal, it would be a cake, such is Steven's natural proclivity for baking. Though of course, it is evident that Steven has no spirit as he is clearly some kind of humanoid death-robot from the future who has malfunctioned and, instead of serving out hot, fiery justice, is instead serving serving out hot, delicious cinnamon buns.
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He has been crowned star-baker more times than anyone else this series and if I were a betting man, I would place my money on him. Thankfully though, I am not a betting man, and thus have one less excuse to blame my extensive and crippling debt on. Indeed, so sure am I that Steven is going to win tonight, that if there was any justice in the world, this post would end here. Unfortunately this post, or indeed this world, is the last place you can expect to find any justice, so we will plough on.
Chance of Winning: 8/10
2) Kate:
Kate for most of the series has been something of a dark horse. But unlike most dark horses, or indeed any hooved animal, Kate is able to form and process baked goods from scratch.
She's been pretty solid throughout most of the series, but seems to have come to the fore over the last few weeks.
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Chance of Winning: 6/10
3) Sophie:
There is perhaps one story and one story alone that proves that Sophie deserves to be in this final and it's from her very first week on the show. For the showstopper challenge, where they had to make an 'illusion cake'; a cake that appears to be something other than a cake, she chose to remake a favourite that she had made for a friend's birthday; a cake shaped like a champagne bottle in an ice-bucket. She said that the finished product was so convincing that a bouncer tried to stop her bringing it into the club where the party was on, believing it to be a real champagne bottle.
Truly, for this, for her ability to shapeshift cakes, she has earned her place in the final.
Chance of Winning: 7/10
That said, I'm expecting for Steven to win this. And now, that I've pinned my flag so firmly to the mast of Steven, I'm firmly anticipating that I'll be proved thoroughly wrong.
