You're going to get a lot of advice about going to college and most of it is going to be nonsense. Fear not though because we are here to bring you what you really need to know. Without further ado here is the official CollegeTimes.com guide to surival:
1. Remember The Shopping Bag Rule when choosing a place to live
What's the golden rule you need to consider when choosing a living location in college? Proximity to lecture halls? WRONG! It's much more important to be close to your local supermarket than college.
At most when walking to college you'll have a laptop bag or maybe a gym bag but what you don't want is to be walking for 30mins with 74 shopping bags when doing the weekly shop. Or worse still, a 30 minute walk with a crate of cans.
2. Make a really smart friend as soon as possible
Smart people are smart, really smart people have smart friends to tell them everything they need to know in life. Find one and cling onto that person's coat-tails for life!
3. Set up a find my phone function on your laptop
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Your time in college brings with it a world of possibilities but we guarantee you this: at some point you are going to lose your phone. It may be when chilling out on campus, it may be when it falls down the side of the couch or it may be when you're doing the limbo at a college party but it will happen!
So make sure to set up a 'Find my phone' function on the likes of Gmail.
4. Actually pay attention to when you're meant to sign up to tutorials
If your course has tutorials don't be the eejit who pays no attention to when the sign-up process opens up on Moodle or whatever. The best times will be taken first and you'll end up with a tutorial at 9am on a Friday morning. Don't say we didn't warn you!
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5. Build up a sleep bank on weekends
Lookit you're not going to get enough sleep during the week and you're not going to have the money or the energy to go out at the weekend so the best course of action is live life to the fullest Monday to Friday and then hibernate for three days.
It also prepares you for what life after college will be like!
6. Study the perfect houseparty songs and learn the right moment to use them
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There are two aspects to this. First of all you need to learn that S Club 7's 'Reach' is going to bring down the house. That's just a fact of life. However, you need to know when to whip it out. Play it too early and people won't be in the humour for it yet, play it too late and no one will have the energy.
But if you choose it at just the right time then you will go down in history as legend.
7. ALWAYS plug headphones into your laptop before turning it on in a lecture
We don't think we have to spell it out for you here but a simple Google search will show you the dangers of turning on your laptop in a crowded classroom only to find your housemates have pranked you by loading up a 'loud' video before they put it to sleep.
Headphones are always a useful, just in case.
8. Learn how to speak 'college'
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'Postmodern narrative,' 'deliberative democracy' and 'qualitative analysis' are phrases you never needed before and probably will never need again but when in college, use them and use them often. The wonderful thing is you don't even have to know what they really mean because no one else will either.
*nods attentively*
9. Find the library sleeping spot
Libraries are the loudest quiet places in the world. Even though you can't really talk, there will be always be hushed whispers, people walking past and the sound of hundred laptops humming. Use your first few weeks to find that quiet corner and you'll be guaranteed four years of decent kip.
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10. Practice your intense listening face
We've already spoken about the importance of speaking college but now you need to know what to do when other people start speaking college to you.
Nod, stare, tilt your head slightly and look concerned but enlightened.
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11. This bibliography app is genuinely useful
After starting college you quickly come to realise that writing up the bibliography at the end of essays is actually a more painful experience than doing the essay. So that's why we are so bloomin' excited about this app called RefMe. It's genuinely brilliant.
Download it and thank us when you graduate.
12. Hiding highly sought-after books in the a different section of the library is a great terrible idea
There are some books which will at some be essential for an assigment and of course there'll be widespread panic when the two copies of it that are in library are constantly out on loan and you're left high and dry.
Some people might suggest finding it good and early and placing it in a completely different section of the library but obviously would never recommend that.
