Going to Mass doesn't happen that often, thank God. The thoughts of living in a world where mass was a regular feature is an effort none of us are willing to make. Although we won't always admit it, mass has become a ritual that usually involves 11 of the following things.
1. A Christening
A child has been born in close proximity to you that you now have to watch said child being semi dunked into a bowl of water.
2. Your 'Take me to Church' Crush
Going to Mass every Sunday for a month 'cause you saw someone nearby on Tinder and you can't miss out on the shift.
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3. Money
Anyone who has ever had a communion or confirmation or a bank manager will know that's when your bank balance is at its highest.
4. The Peace and Quiet
"Jaysus, it's awfully noisy out there!"
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5. To Cool Down
"Jesus, it's awfully warm out there!"
6. The Free Food and Wine
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No, we're not talking about the body of Christ and a cup of wine - that's only a taster! The free drink and food at the afters of a wedding are enough for you to accept going to mass for an hour.
7. The Odd Confession
"I don't actually like avocados but how do I tell my peers?"
8. To Light A Candle
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Your exams/driving test is coming up and you need any God possible to be with you.
9. To Pray for Good Weather
"I need these crops to grow", "EP's this weekend and my tan will get wrecked in that weather", "I have a wedding this weekend and I'm wearing cream"
10. To Distract you from your Sunday Fear
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"Pray my ex doesn't see that drunken text message!"
11. 'Cause it Makes Your Granny Happy
"Nanny, of course, I'll go to mass with you and talk to Father Mc Dermott for three-quarters of an hour!" *hungover AF you internally sob*
