Tall people are a better class of people; studies show direct correlation between tallness and moral standing*.
Though height is a wonderful thing to have, it also has its low points. Here are some of the struggles that only our kind will understand.
*I made this up, but it feels like it could be true.
1. Having to stoop on the upper deck on Dublin Bus
Dublin Bus didn't consider people of your verticality when they picked out their double deckers. On the upper deck you practically have to contort your neck into an inverted 'U' to fit under that criminally low celling.
2. Becoming an involuntary landmark in pubs
You loom head and shoulders above most people, so on a night out in a particularly crowed bar you become the main navigational point for your friend group.
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3. The back pain of going out with someone much shorter than you
You have to lean to one side to comfortably hold hands with them. You have to practically double yourself to hug them. They spend more time talking to your sternum than your face, and a cheeky kiss standing up isn't feasible without a step ladder.
Also, you're consorting with a short person, what if your (presumably tall) father catches you!?
4. On a rainy day umbrellas become your mortal enemy
You're aways the first to know when its raining, but as soon as everyone else realises they deploy their bloody brollies.
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Umbrellas are often held at a height where when you attempt to dodge by them their canvass will wetly smear itself across your face, its arms will jab you in the jugular, and droplets will run off it and straight down your collar.
5. Bars with low ceilings are a nightmare
Edgy basement bars are a claustrophobic nightmare. There are a few inches of clearance between you and the celling, but you still feel its oppressive closeness.
6. You're too tall to dance freely
Tall people dance like startled giraffes. You also have to be aware of your arm span at all times; a single errant limb and you're either buying someone a new drink, or apologising to them for backhanding them. It's best to just loom at the edges of the dance floor clutching your drink.
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7. You easily out-walk all of your mates
Thanks to your long legs, your normal walking speed is close to double that of your mate's. You try to walk with the group, you get distracted for a second, and suddenly you realise that you've outstripped them by four metres.
8. Stairs are too shallow to take one at a time
You're 90% leg, if you take the stairs as intended – one step at a time – you look awkwardly dainty. If you give in to your instincts and take them two at a time, you look like you're performing bizarre lunges as you climb them.
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9. Finding clothes that actually fit
Your long, tapering limbs poke further out of sleeves than any tailor would ever have intended.
Due to your lengthy frame you aren't able to find clothes by simply by walking into a shop, you're forced to rummage for hours and ask to see if they have anything with sufficient length to reach your wrists in the back room.
10. Other tall people are rivals
All other tall people are rivals to your position as 'the tallest'. Tall people are in constant competition with each other – you'll notice that among the first things they do when they meet is exchange heights.
The taller of the two will have the fire of triumph in their eyes for the rest of the interaction.
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11. Talking to shorter people is practically a hearing exam
You can see their lips moving, but they're so far away. You often have to resort to bending down condescendingly to hear them.
12. The constant chorus of "You're so tall!"
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13. You don't fit in group selfies
Well, you do, but only really from the collarbone down.
14. And, most of all, your long legs are a danger to yourself and others
You don't comfortably fit into any conventional cars, public transport, or cinema seats. Your skyscraper pins stop you form fitting into any space designed with a normal human in mind.
On top of that people should fear for their lives when you let those long legs loose. They seem to stretch to take up as much floor space as humanly possible.
