The 9 Types Of 'Phone Panic'

Phone panic, when you hand your phone over to show something and then you suddenly realize all of the shit on your phone that you don't want other people to see. It's a tricky business because you can't scream and grab the phone because they'll know what's up. Here's how to handle the 9 types of phone panic that everyone experiences...

1. See with your eyes, man.

They gather around and then one person tries to take the phone from your hand for a better look. You instinctively jerk your hand back but still want them to watch it. It's defensive innocence.

2. Oh shit I do have stuff on my phone.

They probably won't see anything. I should have muted Messenger before handing it over...

3. No Mom, don't swipe just look at the picture.

Believe me, don't swipe through my other pictures. I only took that dick pic because I wanted to see how it looked on camera.

4. Oh sweet baby Jesus....did I just like a post from eight months ago?

Instagram.....oh Instagram. Everywhere else uses double tap to zoom. Why do you have to make it a like? I only wanted to zoom in on the stranger in the backgrounds weird face. It looked funny....

5. Liking random posts.

Like everything around the picture, one from the start, the latest one and anything in between. Because that makes it better.

6. No no no no no stop sending it. No! Stop!

You were scrolling through your gallery about to send a picture, probably a relatable meme, and accidentally sent that dick pic. That one where you played with lighting to achieve the best quality plus the illusion of length. You gotta stop taking those man.

7. Unlike the bikini post.

You've liked a bunch of random photos so now you have to unlike the original one. Hopefully that fixed it. Why were you looking in the first place? If you're gonna creep at least be good at it.

8. Nah baby, I don't mind you looking through my phone...

You've got to play it off and pretend like it's no big deal. There mightn't be anything on your phone but guaranteed she'll find something. Now you gotta panic and wonder "ah shit....is there anything?"

9. Delete the entire thread.

You had a conversation 1 year and 4 months ago about not being that into the girl you are currently dating. You should have deleted that as soon as you started dating, you fool.