10 Reasons Alcohol Is Ruining My Life

We all know there are some downsides to drinking- drunk dialing, becoming very fucking sleepy, having to pee every ten minutes. But it's also a great time. Here are 10 reasons alcohol is ruining my life (and why I'm totally OK with it):

1. Alcohol makes me spend my rent money.

Alcohol is expensive, and it definitely adds up. But I don't care - it's fun. If you think about it, drinking is like a lot like travelling. You may not gain factual knowledge or a real cultural understanding (although by talking to others uninhibitedly, you definitely have the chance), but you become rich with experiences.

2. Alcohol makes me eat everything.

Well shit, there goes my diet. My stomach is now in the process of digesting two slices of pizza, a bowl of cereal, a bag of M&Ms, and three loaves of bread and cheese. But I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about it. So, if drunk me doesn't care, perhaps sober me shouldn't either.

3. Alcohol makes me make out with people.

It seems like a good idea at the time, but it never really is. Momma always said that you won't find your true love in a club. This is a pretty accurate statement. However, I will continue to let it happen because it makes me feel like I'm in a Jason Derulo music video.

4. Alcohol makes me too honest.

I say things sober me wouldn't dare say- which is both a good thing and a bad thing depending on who you are. For example, drunk me confesses the love I have for my crush but also yells at my roommate for not taking out the trash. (On second thought, neither of those are particularly classy. Let's file both under the "bad" category.)

5. Alcohol makes me drunk dial my ex.

I remember when my ex and I were super happy, lovey -dovey with each other. Alcohol says we can have that again, but alcohol has a short-term memory. Did it forget that she hated when I hung out with my friends? Or that he never let me order my own food at a restaurant? Alcohol needs to play brain games to improve its memory.

6. Alcohol just makes me make bad decisions in general.

For instance, alcohol says I can handle another tequila shot. You're wrong, alcohol. You're wrong. You're also wrong when you say I should skinny dip, climb a tree, and/or try to juggle. (On a positive note, alcohol also makes me write college papers super quickly.)

7. Alcohol makes me fall quite often.

Bumps and bruises are the norm when I'm drinking. Tbh, I don't even drink that much. I'm just a very clumsy person, and that is magnified by 10 when I consume a couple of whiskey and Cokes. However, when you wake up in the morning with a few shallow scrapes and a sore neck, you know you did vastly more physical activity than normal, and it makes you a bit proud.

8. Alcohol makes me wanna go to sleep.

A nice glass of wine will make me want to go to bed. This is an issue because I have dinner to put away, laundry to do, and a dishwasher to unload. Plus, I'm so calm and relaxed I no longer care about any of those things anyway. Sober me should have seen this coming.

9. Alcohol makes me pee. All. The. Time.

How am I supposed to make friends when I constantly have to go to the bathroom? Back and forth from the dance floor to the bathroom, back and forth, all night long. Why does it seem like no one else has this problem? Once the "seal is broken", it's game over for me.

10. Alcohol makes me happy.

Alcohol makes me spend money I don't have. It makes me eat everything in my fridge. It makes me fall and kiss and confess my sober feelings. Alcohol may be ruining my life, but I'm enjoying every second of it.

Video: Signs Drinking Isn't Your Forte