10 Of The Sh*ttest Places To Be Chatted Up

Let’s face it, everyone loves a bit of random flirting, be they male or female. In a shop, at the bar, on the street, a randomer finding you physically appealing enough to start a conversation with you can sometimes be the highlight of your day (especially if like me it doesn't happen very often). There are certain places however where being chatted up can only end in disaster.

1. An STI Clinic

You’re nervously waiting for your chlamydia results following a drunken on night stand, when your eyes meet across the sterilized hallway. Mutual sparks fly under the florescent lights until you notice how uncomfortable they seem sitting down. If attraction is infectious these kids have it in bucketloads. Ouch.

2. A Courtroom

So you’re here for a paternity test you say? Well you certainly get around. Tax avoidance how sexy. Aggravated assault? I’m sure they started it. Supplying drugs? I love a business man. Quickie in the jury box anyone?

3. At a Family Occasion

Yes that cute waiter may have winked at you at your granny’s 80th birthday but proceed with caution. For the majority of your relations you are still twelve in their minds and nothing will shatter that illusion quicker than playing tonsil tennis in their presence. Don’t do it.

4. At Work

Unless you've landed some form of a dream job the majority of students part-time occupations are boring, demanding, smelly or all three. Sometimes a customer might make a suggestive comment that makes you blush or a co-worker might give you a flirtatious nickname but you’re probably too tired/stressed/sticky to notice. Save it for the Christmas party.

5. A Bathroom Line

I know you just peed and haven’t washed your hands. Step away from me now or I will attack you with bog roll.

6. The Lingerie Section

There’s only three reasons any straight lad should be in a lingerie section.

1) They’re picking up something for their other half.

2) They like smelling women’s underwear or

3) They've gotten lost in a Father Ted style incident and are desperately trying to escape. Only in the third case should you return the conversation.

7. During the Walk of Shame

Last night’s dress, banshee hair, panda make up and carrying stilettos. No one looks good this way. Everyone knows what you’ve just done. If anyone even talks you in this state they’re either visually impaired or a sex manic.

8. When on a Date with Someone Else

Nothing will kill any potential romance there could be faster.

9. MacDonald’s at 4am

I am drunk. I am hungry. I look a proper state. I want nothing better than to devour my McChicken Sandwich and large fries in peace thank you very much.