11 Life Essentials You Can Totally Buy The Cheap Version Of

There are some things that are worth investing in, and there are some things that if you invest in them you're an idiot and should be mocked. In our uncertain times, seeing as the preceding generations hoisted the ladder up after themselves, we really have to ensure that we cut all necessary corners.

Here's a list of stuff you can afford to scrimp on.

1. Noodles and Pasta

There is no scientifically measurable difference between 80 cent noodles and 3 euro ones. Anyone who says there's a difference is a liar and you should treat them as such. The same goes for pasta. The entire function of pasta is to serve as a vehicle for the sauce you pour on it.

If anyone you know says they like expensive pasta, they're lying.

If you like expensive pasta, you're lying to yourself.

2. Tinned Food

Tinned food is designed with 2 eventualities in mind: nuclear war, and waking up on a Sunday too hungover to leave the house for real food. Why splash out on something that's likely to languish in your press for several long years, until you move out and leave it behind?

3. Onions

Onions are hideous, bitter vegetables that hide from the light of day until you forcibly pull them out of the ground. They are condensed resentment, no matter how you grow them they'll always come out the same; repugnant. So why pay more?

The only real option you have is the choice between red, or albino onions.

4. Jocks/knickers

Everyone has a stockpile of greying, worn undergarments. They're not sexy CK unmentionables, they're the horrible flimsy patches of cotton you get in a multi-pack for five euro.

5. Bog roll

Sure you can go Kitten Soft or Charmin, and feel like you're scouring your filthy hole with a woodland creature, but that's money you're literally throwing down the drain.

Save some money and get the coarse, white roll that simply says 'toilet paper'. Just take into consideration the reduced tensile strength of the stuff you're using.

6. Instant coffee

According to coffee snobs, instant coffee is a completely different drink from the freshly ground stuff you can buy for a fiver a cup. Even if you're not a caffeine maven you no doubt realise that instant coffee, no matter how much money you pour into it, tastes like the ground. Save your money and buy in bulk, it's just a caffeine delivery method after all.

7. White bread

No matter where you buy it, white bread will always be faintly disappointing, doughy, and flavourless. It is the Coldplay of the bread world, and much like Coldplay the less money you spend on it the better.

8. Multipacks of chocolate bars

Just because they're called something German does not make chocolate any less tasty than the brand we're more familiar with. Don't afraid to buy in bulk and sure eat two bars at a time, their only small.

9. Phone Chargers

So your chances of a house fire jumps up by 35%, but are you really gonna spend 18 euro on a charger when you could just spend a fiver?

10. Mops/brooms/dusters

How often would you use these things anyway? Get them in Dealz and then forget about them for six months.

11. Cans

Much like the fun-size chocolates you want quantity over quality here. You're not buying the cans for the beer, you're buying them for the ethanol content.