A girl, as they say, is nothing without her friends. Friends can inspire, motivate, support, listen and best of all, make your sides ache from laughter. Men (or women) may come and go, but your friends will (hopefully) always remain firmly stuck to your side. Some of the friends you make in your formative years will be the ones throwing confetti over your head when you finally meet that special someone. They’ll still be there, twenty years down the line, mopping your baby’s milky vomit off their shoulders because they signed up for this shit. Here are the types of friends that every college girl needs:
1) The Promiscious One
An essential in any selection box of friends. She’s the one who makes you feel better about the unfortunate soul you pulled last night. Why? Because she has one hundred percent pulled something much, much worse. More loose-hipped than Elvis after two stiff gins, slutty Sally enjoys nothing more than knocking up notches. If nothing else, at least she’ll ensure you can enjoy some lovin’, totally judgement free.
2) The Serious, High Achieving One
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The friend with the neatest notes in the land. Organisation is their middle name. They plan everything from today’s outfit to the Christmas night out, a good three months in advance. Nothing is out of their starry reach. While you’re pissing away your life in the dingiest corner of the pub, your altogether wiser friend is cramming for next Semester’s exams. You don’t really see them until exam time, when you come crawling back to grovel for their notes.
3) The One With Benefits
Deep down, you’ve always been attracted to this friend, but you’re not quite sure why. Perhaps it’s the fact that you actually like them as a person, perhaps it’s their lingering musk, perhaps it’s convenient. Either way, be prepared for a not so happy ending. Sorry to break it to you, but feelings are infectious.
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4) The Wild One
Everybody needs a wild friend. Always up for some shenanigans and debauchery, always a major laugh. The wild one transforms from a relatively normal human being into a life-loving lunatic, once they get within one mile of a thumping bassline and a bottle of anything over 5%. Eventually, they may kill you, through no fault of their own.
5) The Ambitious One
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An ambitious friend is a great one to have around. They not only push themselves, they also kind of push you too. Call it osmosis or call it not-wanting-to-be-a-lazy-loser-in-comparison, either way, they’re a great influence on you. No dream is too big, nothing is too much. The perfect friend to dream-house shop with. If you don’t know what dream-house shopping is, I’d suggest you get yourself onto a real estate rental website and set your minimum price range at around twenty times your actual budget. You’re welcome.
6) The ‘Hot As Fuck’ One
God damn you, you perfect specimen you. The hot-as-fuck friend just radiates babe-ness from every pore. You could spend six hours getting ready and still look like a baby carrot beside Kate Upton in comparison. Don’t try and compete with her, because you just won’t win this game. Just accept that you’re the ugly best friend and move on.
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7) The Male One
Every girl needs a male friend with whom she hasn’t, doesn’t want to, and never will kiss. This is imperative. The very idea of getting together taints your friendship and completion of the act would rot it from the inside out. A male friend is great for advice and can help you understand why men are such bellends. Plus, you’ll have a built in wingman for those many nights out. Think of him as a boyfriend without benefits. Actually, maybe don’t…
8) The Slightly Unhinged One
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This friend is just a bit fucking mental, to put it mildly. They bring home people so unsuitable that you begin to question their eyesight, not to mention their sanity. Disappearing for days on end, never quite settling on a career choice, wearing what can only be described as “charity shop chic,” and listening to the local homeless man banging on bins instead of Spotify. If nothing else, this friend is useful as a means of reaffirming your own sanity.
9) The One With Itchy Feet
Always a great friend to have in your phone book. If they’re not on, just back from, or about to go on an exotic adventure, then they’re planning a trip to the next far-flung land on their list. Likely to have a tattoo, be wearing some kind of bracelet and have overgrown hair...somewhere on their body, their biggest dream is to pack it all in and become a wave-surfing goddess in the Maldives. With a passport more tattered than your latest copy of Cosmo, you can always count on them when you feel like an escape.
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10) The Good Listener
Got a problem? Well, as our Mothers always say, a problem shared is a problem halved. So why not slice your problem in two and head over to your friend who loves to listen. A generally lovely person, nothing is too weird to share with them, nothing too big, nothing too much. This friend is your antidote and a relief to be around. You always leave their company feeling better, which is more than you can say for the drunk friend….
11) The Gay Best Friend
Every girl dreams, DREAMS I tell you, of having a fabulous gay best friend. A kind of Damien from Mean Girls meets Stanford from SATC. Someone with whom you can shop, creep on men and experience the drunkest nights known to man. He’ll look out for you, be the perfect wingman, give you bullshit-free advice, introduce you to the wonderful world of gay clubs and, basically, bring a level of fun into your life that you never thought possible.
