Facebook and it's welcoming 'What's on your mind?' can be a devious thing, what with encouraging people to post whatever happens to be in their head and all. It can be beautiful and freeing, but it can also be irritating to those who have to see it. Most of us are guilty of some of the following, but if you've noticed your friend count dwindling as of late, just be aware that these are probably the reason why. You have been warned...
1) Updating your profile picture everyday/every other day.
Your confidence is enviable, it really is, but we know what you looked like yesterday, and it probably hasn't changed that much in the last 24 hours now, has it?
2) Inviting EVERYONE to your nightclub nights.
So you got a promotions job for one of the nightclubs in town. Fair enough, you obviously need to get people in the door, so every week you dish out those invites like there's no tomorrow, but maybe keep it to the people who actually might consider going, not every single person on your friend list. Don't be bother 'inviting all friends', as your pals from Boston probably won't make it this time.
3) Breaking up/getting back together with your BF/GF and updating your relationship status every time.
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So you guys are having an argument, these things happen, but updating your relationship status whenever anything goes awry shouldn't the priority here. Getting an update every hour is fun at first, but can wear pretty thin pretty fast.
4) Laying items out just for a photo.
You need to make a point about how much chocolate you'll be eating tonight/ how many Birthday presents you got, but when it's really obvious that you've spent a while lining them all up just to make a post, it gets a bit sad.
5) Having someone else's child in your profile picture.
Scrolling down your news feed and holy shit, that girl from your class five years has a two year old, when did this happen? Oh wait, false alarm, it's her nephew. Please don't do it, you'll have practically every big mouthed bastard on Facebook (ahem, everyone) about to link all their mates the photo for no good reason.
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6) Posting a photo of your new tattoo.
Nothing wrong with posting a picture of your new ink, but does it really have to be right after you had it done? Surely you want it looking its best for the big reveal rather than red and raw, and if it's still got the cling film on? Just don't bother.
7) Inside jokes on a post you're tagged in.
You get tagged in a post/ photo which is always nice, oh someone your friend knows has commented...and before you know it, banter is happening, and you're not in the loop any more. You'll have to ignore Facebook for the next hour now. Great.
8) Random adds.
While part of me wants to believe that Crystal is a legitimate person, the glamour model shots, the fact that she only has 16 friends and that her account is only three days old, all makes me question this random add....I might give it a miss this time Crystal.
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9) Too many updates/ photos of your child.
It's nice that you love your child, but it's weird that 423 people know what they had for breakfast or that they didn't sleep very well last night. Goodbye.
10) Being friends with your relatives.
Some parents, Auntie's/ Uncle's are more social media savvy than others, but a lot of the time the generational gap sticks out a mile and you can't help but cringe for your friend when you see Auntie Jean's 'Did u have a good time? Luv Auntie Jean xxx' pop up under their new profiler. Cringe.
11) Shit Frapes.
'I'm Gay' got old about six years ago guys. Also, while it's never the fault of the person whose name is next to it, if it happens a lot to this same person, people will start hating you for never logging out of your account. Live and learn people.
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12) Boring Status Updates.
Not every post has to be riveting, but the fact that you're wondering whether or not to go to Tesco is not something that needs to be shared. No really, please shut up.
13) How your diet is going.
The beauty of those Before & After photos is that you can see an instant transformation, knowing that you lost 2 pounds every week kills the magic. We're starting to feel sorry for your pals down at Weight Watchers who have to listen as well. Tough battle for you? What about us innocent bystanders?
14) Putting up photos of you testing out your selfie stick.
It's relevant when you're in a beautiful setting: by a mountain, a cliff, maybe the beach...but not if you're in a car park with your Nan. Put it away, stat.
