Everything is Fine... 15 Lies All College Girls Tell

Women, so mysterious and alluring. Beautiful enigmas who challenge our morals and our fixed ideals. Turns out there's a reason why we are so confusing: we lie. To be fair most of the lies are white lies to keep the peace. However, there are a couple that are just us avoiding an awkward situation. So, if you have ever felt that the girl you are with was being less than truthful, here's some insight into what she might actually be thinking.

1. 'I'll be ready in a minute.'

Lie. We will never be ready in a minute. It is impossible to do hair, make-up and pick out an outfit in a minute. We both know it's a lie, but if you point out that we're lying then you'll be in the shit. We know you'll just complain so we just get ready as fast as we can and you know what it will be worth the wait so why are you complaining? If you want to avoid this, tell her to be ready half an hour before she actually has to be. Then no one will be late.

2. 'That was great, really.'

It's the 'really' that gives it away. It you had really just blown her mind, she wouldn't have been able to say anything, she would be too busy getting her breath back. She would still be reeling with pleasure. Another way to spot the lie in this is that it lasted less than five minutes. No way was that 'really' great. Clearly she cares though if she wasn't willing to tell you how crap you are in bed.

3. 'I'm fine.'

Probably the most well known lie that women tell. We all know its not true. 'Fine' is girls-speak for 'if you don't figure out what's wrong by yourself in the next 10 seconds you're in for it.' Whatever you've done start making up for it now. If you don't know what you've done. Shit, you're screwed. She will blow soon. Take cover.

4. 'It wasn't that expensive.'

It totally was, but we look amazing in it, so no judgement from you 'Mr I Only Ever Shop in Penneys'. We deserve it every once in a while. We don't complain to you about those ugly-ass runners that cost a stupid amount of money. Not to your face. We'd like you to do the same.

5. 'I don't mind.'

She does mind, she minds a lot. But she don't want to seem selfish or pushy so yeah, its fine that we're watching The Fast and the Furious for the fourth time. Even though she has been mentioning that new indie movie for the past month. Whatever, it's OK that she doesn't get to see it on the one night she's available. It's totally fine - see above.

6. 'Him? He's just an old friend'

Some guy comes up to her in a bar, they embrace and squeal 'Oh my god! I haven't seen you in years! How are you?' There's kisses on cheeks and offers of drinks. She hasn't even introduced you yet, so you're standing there looking like an idiot. If she has introduced you then you've nothing to worry about, but if she doesn't....then she either totally had a crush on that guy for years or he used to date her. Watch him. And her and him together.

7. 'I just don't want to be in a relationship right now.'

Not true. If you have been seeing a girl and things have been going well on your end and you want to take it to the next level but then she drops this line you have to know she's full of shit. She just wants to have fun and now you've got attached you might be left behind. You're obviously not in the same place. If she really did like you she would drop everything to be with you. She's not doing that, so she doesn't like you in that way. Sorry.

8. 'I woke up like this.'

She did not. She got up an hour earlier to curl her hair and spent 20 minutes putting on make up that is supposed to look 'natural'. No one is that flawless. Just like her words her face is a lie. That does not mean that you shouldn't compliment her. She put a lot of work into her look.

9. 'You don't have to get me anything for my birthday/Christmas/Anniversary.'

Yeah, I know, we're frustrating. She says it but you've got this niggling feeling that that can't be right and you're correct. No way will she be pleased if you come up empty handed. If you do and you say 'But you told me you didn't want anything' you will get the 'fine' response. You're supposed to smarter than this.

10. 'I'm not jealous.'

She's jealous. Probably while you two are out in a bar and some sweet young thing sidles up next to you and starts getting a bit too friendly. That bitch is flirting with you and you are letting her by not discouraging it. She wants you but you're taken. Act like it.

11. 'It was so annoying, they wouldn't stop hitting on me.'

It wasn't annoying, she loved it. The only reason she's even mentioning it is because she wants to get a reaction out of you. Like jealous rage and confessions of undying devotion. It never works because if you don't act jealous she'll get annoyed and if you act too jealous then you're being the insecure annoying one. It's a lose-lose move, if only we'd stop using it.

12. 'I promise I won't get mad.'

She just wants to hear the truth, and if she has to lie to get it, so be it. She really might not get mad but how could she possibly know? Tell her the truth and get it all out there. It's better than keeping stuff from her. But to be clear, it's definitely a trap. Especially if you have been keeping things from her. Be prepared for yelling.

13. 'Sure, go on have fun.'

It's not that she doesn't want you to have fun, she  does. But just doesn't enjoy the idea of you having fun without her. She's not going to stop you but you're going to have to tell her how much you wish she could have been there. And you missed her. And she's great.

14. 'Size doesn't matter.'

It kind of does. Like if you have a micro-penis that will probably be an issue at some point. Mostly it doesn't though. Girth is important. Like they say, its more about how you use it.

15. 'I just want you to be happy.'

No she fucking doesn't. If you've just broken up with her or vice versa she is imagining burning your internal organs with a red hot iron while your face melts and hair singes away. She wishes pain on you. Pain of the highest order. Be pleased that she's keeping her fury buried behind a lie.