26 Worst Things About Being A Self-Righteous, Egotistical, Stuck-Up Hipster

Everyone knows at least one of their kind. The pretentious, irritating, pseudo-intellectual, 20-something douchebag who wears nothing but thrift shop clothing, recently discovered a love of art and judges everyone else for subscribing to the mainstream. That's right: hipsters.

Here are the 25 worst things about being a modern-day hipster.

1. You only hate mainstream music because it's played on the radio.

You despise music on the radio for the simple fact that "too many people know it." If Coldplay was underground and unheard of you'd absolutely love her music, but because she's mainstream and adorned by millions, of course you have to despise her. You repeatedly use the phrase: "You probably haven't heard of it."

2. You excessively judge people.

You judge everyone you see who ISN'T a hipster, just because they're not one of your kind.

3. You've acquired an attitude of unwarranted snobbery.

You are a self-proclaimed sensei of pop culture, music, art and television. You frequently use the phrases: "I can't believe you actually listen to that" and "you should look at this instead."

4. You wear huge obnoxious sunglasses even when it's not sunny.

You wear big-ass shades which cover three quarters of your face (which we don't complain too much about), however you wear them when it's overcast, raining or bloody dark out. You also wear sunglasses indoors.

5. You love art now.

You like to read obscure passage about art and then pass them off to others as your own. You have once said: "Mom I just really need to concentrate on my art right now." You go to art college and have no idea what you will be qualified to do if you ever graduate.

6. You're really into your drugs now.

Pot is too elementary for you now. You dabble in it from time to time but have now moved on to harder substances. You proclaim to be able to "handle anything" and look down on anyone who hasn't tried drugs before. You fool yourself into believing that "they haven't lived."

7. You constantly use the phrase "too full of tourists."

Anywhere in your town or city which is remotely busy is not good enough for you. You frequently tut, sigh, moan and roll your eyes around busy or tourist areas.

8. You have the most uneducated decrepit taste in music.

You were really into dubstep when it first arrived on the music scene. Now you've delved into the deepest and darkest areas of techno, deep-house, tech-house and progressive-techno-grunge-punk-hipster-house. You always act surprised when someone hasn't heard one of your abysmal songs.

9. You make sure everyone knows that you drink craft beer.

You drink the most obscure craft beers around and make sure everyone knows about it. You don't even drink it for the taste, just to be different. The truth is you HATE craft beer and secretly drink Bud Lite Lime at home when you're alone.

10. Irony and sarcasm is your only form of wit.

Your humour only EVER revolves around irony, sarcastic retorts and poking fun at the expense of others.

11. You don't vote but always complain about the establishment.

You constantly complain about the establishment and give your views on how the world should work. You've gotten your views from The Zeitgeist Movement after watching a 2 hour documentary about the abundance of the Earth's resources, and now pass the ideas off on your own. But of course you don't vote in elections.

12. You hate sports, mainly because you're not good at them.

You are snooty and pretentious when it comes to sports. Your knowledge about them is absolutely zero, but you've never been good at them and you're extremely unathletic. You think sports are the anti-Christ and sneer at anybody who actively plays them. The truth is that you're jealous because you never excelled in sport. Therefore, you must hate it!

13. You love to tell everyone how you're an atheist.

You love to judge and mock anyone who confines to any form of religion. You constantly remind everyone how you are an atheist and that it is silly to believe in God.

14. You're pretty rich, but pretend to be poor.

You live happily off of your parents' money but give the impression that you're less well off than you really are.

15. You participate in Movember every month, except in November.

You grow your moustache year-round and shave it off in November because everyone else grows one.

16. You smoke roll-up cigarettes because they're cheaper.

Cigarettes? "No way man, they're way too mainstream." The only time you smoke a cigarette is when you are bumming one off of someone else, which is a lot!

17. You subterraneously mock Facebook with your unique form of typing.

You type in hipster shorthand on Facebook to show that you're subterraneously mocking the most mainstream website in the world. You leave messages like "Hipy birfday" on your friend's Facebook walls. Yet you still use the most mainstream website in the world?

18. You never smile.

You look like one of the most unhappiest human beings on the planet. You're face rarely moves to crack a smile.

19. You have an atrocious haircut.

You have a monk tonsure haircut or a sideways mohawk - as far away from the mainstream as you can get . It's sooo hipster. Congrats, you look like an official douchebag.

20. You look down on anyone who's not a hipster.

You are the most condescending and snotty-nosed form of person alive. When you're with you group of friends, people-watching and openly mocking/judging them is one of your favourite hobbies.

21. You go to art college but are unsure about what you will be qualified to do.

You attend art college and have repeated several semesters. You'll stay in college for the majority of your 20s, and then leave having no idea what job you will be able to get other than working in an American Apparel.

22. All your clothes came from a thrift shop or charity shop.

You claim to be a fashionista in the hipster domain, combining the dirtiest, smelliest and tackiest clothes ever known to man to make one ultimate douche outfit. You look like you fell out of a dumpster or stole a homeless man's clothes.

23. You only like independent or foreign films

Even if a film is critically acclaimed, if it's in the main stream box office you'll say you have no time for it and head straight for the documentary section of the video shop.

24. You have become a vegan.

You are a vegan whenever you're out in public or with your friends. But behind closed doors, you're the world's biggest carnivore, slash hypocrite.

25. You have awful taste in women.

Manly haircuts, awful dress sense, no pride in her appearance and hair legs. She has to be a hipster and have as condescending and judgmental an attitude as you do. These are ALL qualities that you look for in a girl. Think of Pamela Anderson in Baywatch. Now think of the polar opposite of her, and THAT'S what you'll end up with. Someone who fell out of the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down.

26. You'll look back at yourself in 10 years and wonder what the hell you were doing.

You don't realise it now, but a couple years down the line you'll look back at your life, weeping uncontrollably into a pint, wondering where it all went wrong.