Feces, Scrubs and, Caffeine: 29 Things Only Medical Students Understand

Wiggly veins, iodine stains and diagnosing yourself on a daily basis - there are some things only medical students can relate to. If you're currently on the night shift, fearing blindness from computer glare or struggling to enjoy your burger and chips after a 2 hour myocardial infarction lecture, this one's for you.

Worried that 'professionalism' is coming closer by the day, but you still feel like a teenager? More interested in a good blood stain remover (salt, shampoo and cold water - you're welcome) than going clubbing? You're not alone, we promise...

'OMG you're studying medicine? You must be SO clever!'

 

You're NEVER home at the same time as your non-med flatmates

 

Except when you all stumble home at 3am - you've got textbooks, they've got takeaway

 

A girl in med school? So you're gonna be a nurse? SO MUCH NOPE

 

Yes, there are male nurses. HOW are people still confused by this?

 

 

When the diagnosis is confirmed, you're asked for a list of differentials... then shot down for suggesting something other than said diagnosis

 

Having to take off your nail varnish for every practicum

 

'Ever done a PR exam?'

'Yes, I have'.

'Great. For a little extra practice, could you just examine Mr. Jones? He hasn't opened his bowels for two weeks.'

'Sure, no problem at all'.

 

'Sharp scratch?' Oh yeah that's code for stumble around your body with a sharp object until I find a vein. Won't hurt a bit...

 

The joy of finding a fecal stain remover that actually works

 

 

Small talk with a stranger = talking about what you're studying = receiving a list of ailments you're expected to instantly remedy

 

Come for a pint? Sorry, got to wash my scrubs, eat a piece of toast, do my abstract edits then find a cure for cancer

 

Final year students = unpaid foundation year doctors

 

Surgeons be like:

 

You want to win this argument? You better be giving me some PROOF

 

 

The moment your housemate texts to say they've left you food to heat up

 

This is definitely not a zebra

 

Attempting to interact with people who have not become nocturnal

 

Hoping people take your dirty, creased up lab coat as a sign you're too busy saving lives to deal with that ironing shit

 

Everyone else is Googling cat videos, you're watching YouTube clips of how to perform a prostate examination

 

 

'So what do you want to be when you're qualified?'

*Commences freak out about getting through two years as a doctor without killing someone before attempting to answer question*

 

Your room during finals

 

When you need to Google the likes of Balanitis, Gastroschisis or Bromhidrosis in Starbucks

 

Being so hungry and tired the leftovers on your patient's food tray start to look pretty damn good

 

Draining a rotten abscess < talking about student loans

 

 

Consultant: 'What's the most likely cause of pancreatitis in this overweight, middle-aged alcoholic?

Student: 'Scorpion sting'

 

Common things are common

 

When people joke that you've got rocks in your lab coat pockets

 

But remember guys, medicine is a marathon