Going home for Christmas can be a real eye opener, you spend so much time with your parents that you catch yourself picking up those traits that you otherwise despise. Here are the five things you might have noticed over the holidays.
1. Your parents are weird
Sure, they love you. That’s indisputable. But, when atop the crescent of the wave of learning that washes over you when you first live out from under their roof you will inevitably come to understand that they are somewhat, if not fully, cracked. For example, I learned quite early on that the world won’t collapse if the soup and dessert spoons aren’t separated in the cutlery drawer. Also, not washing the dish or placing it in the dishwasher immediately after use will not result in an apocalyptic situation.
2. You’re more like your parents than you think
It’ll happen. When? No one knows for sure as there is no formula for predicting any singular event where the following will crystallize in your minds eye: you are just like them. While washing a plate, hanging up some clothes or most likely when a housemate doesn’t do something the way you’re used to and you explain to them how you do it, that’s when you realise just how like them you are. A few days of heavy drinking is the only way of getting over this realisation but be warned, even then it won’t change anything and you’ll find more and more things about yourself that is a mirror image of them.
Advertisement
3. Your parents must really love each other
Stand back and look at each of them separately. Each is odd but each has their merit; you’ll turn to each one for different things. Together however, they become half as intelligent as the most intelligent person in the partnership. They give out about each other, argue over the most pointless and irrelevant things, vent to you about the new habits each has developed that infuriate and generally exhibit behaviours that belie the love that exists between them. Underneath however, there’s an unspoken love that can be seen simply by picking on one in the presence of the other. A swift slap across the back of the head accompanied by a stiff word is sure to follow. Plus, look at them, despite everything you can see around you they’re still together. Just pray you never catch them doing it. I’ve made you dry reach haven’t I?
4. Your parents have a favourite
They love you all equally, but they’d rather spend time with their golden child. This doesn’t necessarily have to be the same for each by the way. But the golden child can do no wrong, isn’t held to the same cleaning/lounging around/responsibility standards. The golden child gets a free pass and wields a power greater than you will ever know. Their birthdays are three day events with a string quartet, flocks of doves, and presents that don’t fit in the house. The golden child is the one who got to choose between Burger King and McDonalds when your parents posed the question to all the kids in the back seat of the car. If reading this has infuriated you, then you’re not the golden child. If this all sounds very familiar, you’re the golden child and also a prick.
5. There is no place more comfortable than your mother’s arms and no place higher than your father’s shoulders
When sick with man flu or the sniffles and a scratchy throat, there is only one woman for me. Chicken soup, flat 7up, a blanket, the television remote and the incontrovertible command to other people in the house to leave you alone, the mammy is the only one for me. A rub of the forehead and a kiss on the cheek and all is well. The Da on the other hand is the one person who could convince you to do anything because if he says you can then it must be true. This is the exact reason I became the school yard hero for a week in first class when my Dad saw class bully Kevin Sheehan push me in the playground and yelled “Don’t let him do that!”. I was so filled with courage and belief by his words, I kicked Kevin in the bollocks and the fucker never bothered me again.
If YOU’D like to be part of the CT team and write for the biggest student website in the country, then email us! [email protected]
