The Leaving Cert. The words alone are enough to make the most rational of people break into a cold sweat. Those three little words have the power to bring back the most buried of bad memories. Most of us (apart from the extremely intelligent ones) went into sixth year with an air of 'I don't care' and came out wanting to die. The lectures, the panic, the mocks, the points, the CAO and the "what are you going to do with your life conversation" that just can't be avoied, it all adds up to a stressful year, so when it's over you'll rightly never want to think about it again. Here's a guide to what you're going to be thinking in the aftermath of it all;
1) "Drink, I need drink"
Three weeks of being so stressed you want to claw somebody's eyeballs out with a spoon, sweating in the best weather we'll have all year and late night cramming makes for some very thirsty people. You have earned the right to get gee eyed, if you so wish. Go out there, buy some decent beverages (no tesco, you deserve much more now) and dance away all of that pent up stress with your equally stressed out classmates. It's the one night where you can all pretend to love one another. It'll be short lived so drink and bare it.
2) "Why did I drink, I hate drink"
This thought usually occurs to you following the previously mentioned night out. This is generally made worse by the fact that you haven't actually drank properly in about two months and had almost forgotten just how horrific hangovers are. This hangover is then worsened by the memory of a dance-off with some dick from your class that you have always hated or the fact that you think you cried to them and told them how much you're going to miss them all (phah what a lie.) You just continue to sit there, too afraid to log onto Facebook and see the dreaded 'you have been tagged' notification, praying you'll leave this earth at any moment.
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3) "What the hell am I going to do now?"
For the past year you've had a focus, you've been shitting yourself mentally at all times and this in turn meant that you could never truly relax without a shadow of guilt hanging over you. Now, you're free. You're more free than the little samples of food they give you in Dunnes on a Saturday, except you wouldn't know that because you never got out on Saturdays. You're probably going to be bored by day six of freedom. Enjoy being bored. Watch as much bad tv as you can stand. Paint your walls. Relish it.
4) "I need to get a job"
So it's week three. You're so bored that you've colour coordinated your knicker drawer and have rekindled any neglected relationships (you were busy, we understand) from the past few months. Now that the wheels of bone numbing boredom are in motion you realise that you have no money. None. Whatsoever. Sadly you will not be getting any until your results, when, irregardless of whether you got 40 points or 540, some relations will pop up from nowhere and throw some moolah your way. Until then though, get printing those CV's with nothing to show except for your Junior Cert results and address. It's safe to assume now that you'll be unemployed for the summer. Enjoy these days of nothingness. You won't get them back.
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5) "Should I sell my school books for money?"
This is a tricky one. On one hand it seems like an easy money option but on the other it almost seems as though you're pushing your luck. What if, somehow, you've failed everything, will let your whole family down and then have to buy back all of your books? WHAT DO I DO? The answer to that lies within you and only you.
6) "I must burn my uniform"
This one is a safer bet. For a start it probably stinks of old food, cheap deodrant and panic. Nobody in their right mind will want to keep theirs as a keepsake, a reminder of the shitty times that were. Plus, if you have to repeat (worst case scenario) you won't be wearing one anyway. Get out the petrol there John, let's burn this bad boy.
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7) " What day of the week is it?"
After 13 or 14 years of having a weekly routine shoved down your throat, being free, finished with school and having nothing to do, will all ensure that you won't have a damn clue what day of the week it is.Your only guide is the TV guide. You plan your days around Home and Away and Oprah and you know what, you couldn't be prouder. Sure it's grand, come September you'll be sleeping until twelve every day anyway. Just don't use that as an argument with your parents. You will be lectured severely.
8) "What the hell am I going to do with my life?"
The scariest thing about that limbo time between finishing school and waiting for your results is all of the unfun thoughts about the future will regularly pop into your head and always at the most inappropriate of times, times when you should be sleeping or eating or watching some very unintelligent telly. Here's my advice, push it to the back of your mind where it belongs because really, there's nothing you can do until you get that piece of paper. Until then, enjoy being carefree and content (and maybe a little bit drunk) and if any of those nosey relations that you tend to avoid ask you, then just respond with something along the lines of stripping. That'll teach them.
9) "Who the hell will I bring to the Grad/Debs?"
Ah the Grad or Debs as it's also known. Your year spends a year planning it and in the end everyone gets so shitfaced that it may as well not have happened. It is a great night though (judging by the photos.) Don't do what a lot of people do and spend the whole Summer fretting over who to ask. The best thing you can do, is ask a friend, someone who knows your friends, someone you're going to have a laugh with and not be awkward as hell around. The worst is seeing people who bring someone they fancy the arse off but barely know. It is not first date territory. You have been warned. Now go forth and enjoy the last ever night you'll spend with your classmates (a great thing by all accounts.)
