10 Things You'll Remember About Being An Altar Server

Being an altar server was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand you caught a break from the drudgery of school but on the other you were subjected to the drudgery of serving at mass. Here are the 10 things you'll remember from being an altar server.

1)Ringing The Bell

The age old dilemma: When do we ring the bell? Before or after the sermon. We all had that moment where we rang the bell at the wrong time and the whole church went to a standstill.

2)Farting

It's you, the other server and the priest. And if one of the three of youse fart, the other two is going to know about it fairly lively.

3)The Giggles

It starts off will a curl of the lip. You see the other Altar server at the other side of the priest. He smiles at you. This turns into a low chuckle. Next thing you know tears are streaming from your eyes and you're ribs are on the verge of cracking. And over what? Nothing, that's what.

4)The Garments

Sweaty in the summer but you were glad of them once the cold winter months rolled around. You did look like a twat though, admit it.

5)Falling Asleep

Those long drawn out masses, and you wanting a nice lie on of a Sunday morning. Maybe I'll just rest my eyelids for two seconds...

6)Getting Paid

Remember getting paid for Weddings and Funerals? You were never so glad to have someone kick the bucket. An easy 10 quid. Back of the net.

7)Being The Darling Of The Parish

Being an altar server did have it's perks. Everyone in the parish would immediately bestow upon you an innate 'holiness' just from the fact that you were up prancing around the altar twice a week.

8)Getting To Carry The Candle

A big duty for the head altar boy/girl was to hold the candle as you walked down the aisle. Just try not to give the parishioners second degree burns. There's a good girl.

9)Having A Cheeky Sup Of Sacramental Wine

Let me set the scene. The priest is yammering away at the pulpit there's still a drop of transubstantiated wine in the bottom of the chalice. The congregation are basically asleep, so you take your opportunity and down the last bit of wine before anyone can cop. It tastes disgusting.

10)Holding That Silver Plate At Communion

Just in case someone accidentally dropped the body of Christ you had to be there with catlike reflexes to catch that communion wafer before it hit the ground. And did anyone ever drop it? Nope.