I don’t presume nor pretend to be any type of “Sex Godesque” individual. That being said, I am nothing if not observant. Therefore, learning from my own successes and various failures (far too many fuck ups) I have compiled a list of 3 golden rules in your clichéd yet admirable youthful quest for, well...the shag....
1) Play It Cool
Remember the days of secondary school, where if you so much as held hands with the cute brunette in your business class, by the end of the day you were practically an item? So you packed your bags and headed off for college, in hopes of an American Pie style sexual awakening. There was this sense of grandeur; there were too many people for even the busiest of busy bodies to be all up in your business. As the saying goes, there is safety in numbers. *Sigh* Do you see your mistake? You're too excited...you are literally sending overzealous sex beams to every attractive individual you meet. Face it homie, you're thirsty. Guys hide your boners, ladies hide your....what do girls do when they’re horny... do they swoon? I hope they don’t swoon because I don't ever recall making someone swoon. If someone gives you the cold shoulder during a sexual advance, remember that chances are they want to have sex just as much as you do, but can’t be too eager. Remain calm and collected at all times (being a suave motherfucker is generally quite appealing). Make them think you want them, but not as much as you REALLY want them. So go to the bar, order a whiskey and ice whilst wearing your best tux/dress and act nonchalant. Nice.
2) Play It Confident
You’re not twelve anymore, there’s no time for the shy puppy dog act because time is passing you by. Not to say that select groups of individuals don’t find this quirk appealing (because they do), but most guys and girls just don’t have time for that. In this scenario you’re the slow asthmatic kid wheezing and trying your best to keep up with the rest of the team. We have moved on to bigger and better things kid. Just be honest and forward; when it comes to random college hook ups, the slow game isn’t the best way to go. There's a fine line between confident and cocky; find it, and then master it. Don’t go into situations with the mindset that you can get any person you want. Instead, swagger in determined to do your best because technically, you can achieve anything. MAKE YOUR MOVE...I’m directing this especially to the ladies in the audience. If you want some penis I say go for it, and may the odds be ever in your favour.
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3) Play It Carefree
A long time ago (at least last year), I came up with a mantra, a slogan that I live by...
“Don’t sweat the little things”.
If there's anything to gain from this article, please let it be this. The truth of the matter is that all the tiny little issues that we worry about, rarely ever matter in the grand scale of things. I keep using the word “play”, because to you...this should be a game. This article is all about having fun in college, and if that’s your current goal, then you should act as such. Don't be afraid of embarrassing yourself. Just enjoy life and don’t worry too much about how you’re coming off. Most of us tend to gravitate towards people who are light and easygoing, who are just at peace with who they are and where they’re at. You’ll notice people will take an interest in you if you act in a similar light. Be happy with your successes and be content with your failures. This isn’t Twilight; most people don’t want this brooding dark caricature of a person. Although, speaking of Twilight, I don’t care what anyone says, Kristen Stewart is beautiful... please reply to my tweets.
I promise you, the second you stop overthinking things is the moment when it’s going to get a lot simpler. Good luck!
