Nicole Balmaine
Procrastination. One of the main ingredients that make up a student along with ripped Converse and jumbo bags of pasta shells. We're all guilty of it. Except the inevitable goodie two shoes who has their assignment done before the lecturer has even begun his vague introduction to it. (I have a theory about those people - robotics are involved.) The thought of failing is so unpleasant that we have many different methods to distract ourselves from doing the one thing that might help us pass.
Food, Glorious Food
Hide your boners readers... This is the fabled Pizza with Mcdonalds toppings.
What is it about having to work that makes my tummy just growl with pure, unadulterated HUNGER? I run to the nearest food source as fast as my stubby legs can carry me and shove in whatever comes to hand. Chocolate, apples, jalapenos, packets of ham (including the plastic), lampshades, gallons of milk and anything even vaguely edible. Anytime I have an assignment, I gain at least 10 pounds. College is truly the starting point for adult obesity.
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Social Networking
Before my laptop has even booted itself up the arse, Facebook tab is open. Why study when you can stalk? I do my best creeping when I have an assignment hanging over my head. Nobody is safe, I leave no picture un-jerked off to, no comment un-sarcastically replied to and no status unliked. My average status a day quadruples and my entire friend group gets an obscene comment on their timeline. I'm only lucky Facebook doesn't issue restraining orders.
Tidy Time
I've eaten enough to put myself into a coma, I've creeped so much my eyes and clicking finger are starting to hurt, now do I start? God no, it's finally time to scrape those dirty clothes off the floor and bring the mouldy dinner dishes to the dishwasher. My room is suddenly an aladdin cave of wonders - I find money, forgotten cookies hidden between the bed sheets, toy cars with only one wheel, naked barbie dolls, tamogothchis that have survived the questionable conditions of my room. This all adds up to endless hours of amusement, my half-cleaned room remains just that and my assignment is still a hope in the eyes of my lecturer as I play with my new found goodies.
'Extracurricular' Activities
You're faced with a 2000 word essay on something blah constitution blah. You've locked yourself in a small room with no windows and only a laptop cut off from all social networking sites. So what do you do? Unless you're a freakazoid like I mentioned in the first paragraph, your hand will almost certainly bypass the keypad and straight for your, ahem, joypad. And for all ya'll nerds out there, I'm not talking about a gaming console. Who needs internet connection when you have an imagination that refuses to focus on the boring things in life? Just remember to clean the cum stains off your hands before you handle your finished assignment, that is not what lecturers mean by putting your own spin on it.
