By merely writing that opening title I have solely come to the realisation that I am in fact a very very sad individual who needs a hobby. However, I do believe that I am not alone. Creeping for me has become like a part time job but it’s not as easy as it sounds. Ok, fair enough everybody has done their fair share of lurking on others profiles but I believe I have acquired a new level of creeping which is most certainly C.V. worthy. Taz Kelleher, nineteen years old, 2nd year Film and Broadcasting student, professional creeper…
I have most certainly done some things I am not proud of, one of these being the time my 15 year old self and my partner in crime Belle set up a fake like page just so we could get a certain hunk to like it enabling us to lurk into the depths of his online persona. From the earliest days of Bebo, creeping has become a necessary rite of passage. Along the years I have learnt a thing or two about this privacy invading practice and boy it’s your lucky day because I’m about to share the tricks of the trade.
1. Location, location, location.
Please learn from my mistakes, creeping in a public place such as your college library is NOT IDEAL. The day I was caught by the guy I was with the night before still haunts me. Creeping is a private practice, your room, kitchen, car, bathroom wherever tickles your fancy…
2. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.
Right so in your bleak hazy memory of last night you remember getting with some guy, really really hot, if your drunken memory serves you correctly. The only problem is you can’t remember his name and can’t find him on FB. FEAR NOT!! Any little, irrelevant detail you can remember, stick it into the search bar ‘Kevin, catholic, 3 brothers, drinks Guinness. You may think this is a bit farfetched but the results don’t lie…
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3. Caught in the act.
Do not; I repeat DO NOT, like any posts, pictures, videos etc… When the person you’ve been creeping on gets a notification ‘Paul likes a photo you’ve been tagged in’ and it’s from 3 years ago it’s a sure fine way of letting them know not only that you're a sad individual who wanted to check them out online. But such a sad individual that you peered into the depths of their past to see if they can pull a good duck face.
When you actually, god forbid, talk to the person in real life, play it cool. Accidentally asking how their pet rabbit is getting on might be the biggest giveaway you could offer. Remember, you don’t know this person or at least that’s what they think…
The ultimate fail... When you are typing the name into the search bar for god sake make 100% sure you are not typing it into the status bar. Other than joining ‘meetlittlepeople.com’ this is possibly solely the most mortifying thing you can do on the internet.
So there you have it, the rules and regulations of Facebook creeping. It’s time to fly the nest and get your grubby fingers on the keyboard, we have faith in you, do us proud.
