Sometimes people just should not live together. Personality clashes, one person spending way too long in the shower or stealing your stuff. Not brave enough to have a mature conversation with them about them vacating the premises? Maybe you could persuade them to go looking for another place to live in a more...subtle way. If you dislike someone so much maybe move out yourself but who doesn't love the thrill of a battle of wills? Also, your bed might be super comfy and you could be living really close to college so why should you move? If you feel up to the challenge and have no moral quandaries here are 11 ways to convince your roommate to consider living alone for the rest of their college years.
1. Become a slob.
If your roommate is an O.C.D. neat freak, leave dishes everywhere. Put dirty dishes and glasses back into the cupboards, leave dirty knives on bread boards. 'Forget' about your leftovers and let them grow mold in your shared fridge. Leave bits of hair on the shower walls, don't replace empty toilet rolls, leave toothpaste all around the sink and don't dry up any wet puddles from the shower. Have your room immaculate but all the common areas in a complete mess. Lie around among the mess and complain about how tired you are and how you've no energy to do anything.
2. Become a neat freak.
If your roommate is the snob become the opposite, but in a non-traditional sense. Instead of cleaning all of their dishes put them in their cupboard or in their room. Vacuum your place at 8 in the morning after your roommate had a big night out. If they complain just tell them you're cleaning, the place needed it.
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3. Leave notes everywhere.
Not just passive aggressive notes, label everything. Get a label maker and label what everything is and what its for and maybe leave a couple passive aggressive notes around as well. If your roommate has a penchant for leaving notes around for you, collect them all and leave them on their bed or in their textbooks. That'll be fun in the middle of the library or in a lecture when they open their books and a load of notes fall out.
4. Eat their food.
And leave a note apologizing but never replace it. Most effective annoyance level if you have your own food but just decide to eat theirs instead and then tell them they could eat yours, but the best buy date was last week. But they are very welcome to it.
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5. Drink their beer.
And deny it. Easily done. Did you both throw a party recently? Say their friends drank it. Even better if it was expensive craft beer. If they insist on you replacing it get cheap beer and say its basically the same.
6. Take up an instrument.
Drums would be best but then again they take up a lot of room and could annoy your neighbours. Try a ukulele or guitar - especially if you have no skills yourself and tune the guitar really late at night when your roommate is trying to sleep or study. All that plucking will drive them insane. Maybe even go into them and ask if they think it sounds right to you.
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7. Make you place party central.
Invite people over every night. Works best if your roommate isn't into the party scene. Movie nights, poker nights and drinking sessions. Not only will it annoy your roommate, you'll have a great time. Its a win win, for you, lose lose for them.
8. Move their stuff.
Don't necessarily steal their stuff just move it. Move their cups to another cupboard and say you think it seemed like a better spot for them. Move their notebooks to the top of the fridge and leave their shoes in the bathroom. People hate strangers touching their stuff.
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9. Make ridiculous requests.
Complain that their typing late at night is keeping you up, or that they are charging their laptop too much and you think it's affecting the electricity bill. The more ridiculous your requests the more frustrated your roommate will become.
10. Make it awkward.
Bring a 'friend' over and make loud crazy sex sounds all night. You don't even need to get a friend you can download 'sensual sounds' form the internet and play them all night with the speakers facing your roommates wall. Put on some headphones yourself and sleep easy while your roommate is left reeling in their bed. In the morning talk about your great sleep the night before and asked if they slept alright. If they ask about your 'guest' tell them you don't now what they're talking about. If their girlfriend/boyfriend is visiting walk around in a towel and flirt with them, whatever your sexual orientation, it'll no doubt really piss off your roommate.
11.Change the WiFi password.
Tell them you don't why its not working. Let them call up the internet provider and then sneakily change it back. If you're feeling particularly cruel log onto their laptop and set up parental controls to block certain websites, like Netflix. Won't be long before they move out now...
