How Not To Fuck Up A Job Interview

So you're lucky enough to get a job interview, no point in getting excited yet the hard part is still to come. I've made a guide on how not to fuck up your job interview so you can afford to live on more than pot noodles this semester..

1. Don't Be Late

First Impressions are very important and being late in an interview will not make anyone want to hire you. They don't want to hear whatever stupid excuse you have prepared, telling them "Your dog ate your alarm clock and then you fell on the way to the bus stop breaking your both your legs and you had to crawl all the way here" wont impress anyone...

2. Don't Dress Like A Drug Addict Or A Hooker

Know your audience when you're picking out your outfit for an interview. Showing up in a low cut top and short skirt  may not make you look like you're serious about getting this marketing internship and turning up looking like a scruff wont go down well either

3. Make Sure Your CV Is Up To Scratch

Can quote mean girls and can eat a jumbo share pack of malteasers by yourself do not count as achievements

4. Focus On The Topic

Yeah your dog is cute but your interviewer doesn't give a shit don't show them pictures

5. Don't Try Use A Sob Story

This isn't x factor no one wants to hear how you're doing this job for your dead grandparent

6. Don't Lie (Too Much)

If you tell them you know how to rewire a house and you can't ...Good luck on your first day

7. Don't Act Like Your Better Than The Position

If you're 'too good' to work in Mc Donalds then why are you unemployed in the first place?

8. Show dedication

Show you're eager and willing to work

9. Have Previous Work Experience/ References Ready

Walking the dog for your Mum doesn't count as work experience and you can't use your 6th class report as a reference even if you were a bright child who worked well with others

10. Do Your Research Beforehand

It might be good to know a bit about the company/place you're applying just so you don't make a complete fool of yourself

 

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