Everyone said college parties and the college bar were places of myth, enjoyment and liquor. Drinks were flowing at the last college party, fun was had and memories were made - you assume this because you've just woken up in a sweaty mess of blankets and pain and can't remember anything from the night before. We've all been there, and I'd love to say that it gets easier with time and experience but no, vodka will always be a bitch to your stomach and wine will always give you the world's worst headache. How you deal with the hangover gets easier. You can learn ways of dealing with the pain, dehydration and nausea to make yourself reasonably able to face the day.
Check yourself.
I often wake up with pajamas on and makeup off in my own bed - I must be a very efficient drunk person - but with no memory of getting there or where my stuff is. Clearly, I have my keys - or epic house-breaking-into-while-drunk skills so I don't need to worry about keys. However, where the fuck is my phone and wallet! It's like we become very unmaterialistic after we've had a few, we stop caring about the little things, like the debit card with access to all your money or the phone which contains your entire social life. How many times have you lost a phone/wallet/jewelry/credit cards/id while under the influence? I once went through a phase of simply leaving my wallet down on bar counters, who knows why. But luckily my friends always saved me and my wallet. Thank you friends. Check you have these things when you wake up. They are important!
Re-hydrate yourself.
Really you should have a glass of water before you go to sleep but fat lot of good that does you now. If you can't or don't want to drink water, opt for vitamin drinks, fruit juice, smoothies or sports drinks. The all full of sugary vitaminy goodness to help replenish those that you lost last night. Tea also helps, if you're not a fan of regular tea, try mint, green or lemon and ginger tea. All should help restore your hydration. Just keep hydrating. Lie down in the bath and let your body absorb the water, it might work.
Wash yourself.
You need to rid yourself of all that shame and guilt that is currently covering your entire body. Have a little cry in there if you must - there's no shame in a little hangover-cry. No doubt during the shower all of the stupid things you did the night before: throwing yourself at your hot friend, texting your ex, calling your housemate a Nazi, will all come rushing back to you. Deal with it in the privacy of the shower. The warm water may burn your shivering alcohol ridden self, but you'll feel a million times better once your clean - hopefully.
Dress yourself.
Avoid tight restricting clothes, go for anything with an elastic forgiving waistband and loose tops: so sweat pants and hoodies. Something that is suitable to wear in public but is basically pajamas for the daytime. Hide your tired eyes with sunglasses and tie your hair up in a messy ponytail or hide it with a hat. Today is not a day for looking well. Today is a day of survival.
Medicate yourself.
It begins, the pounding head. Everything is so much louder than it needs to be. The sun is far too bright. Your stomach feels like someone has got you with a knife and is mixing the contents together... Paracetamol is good for this. Easy on the stomach and easy to swallow. There is a lot of debate between whether or not to take ibuprofen or aspirin. People say that both and neither are tough on your stomach. Try them out for yourself. You can alternate between ibuprofen and paracetamol if you want to give it a go. Have some Alka-seltzer and vitamins, just to restore your body's chemical balance.
Feed yourself.
The take out you got yourself last night was hours ago and the shower drained you of energy, its time to get some fuel into you. Go for carbohydrates, full of energy and reasonably easy to digest - not too hard on your stomach. Toast, noodles, fries, a full Irish breakfast, cold pizza. Go for soup to get some veg into you. Avoid anything too acidic just in case. Basically greasy or salty foods are your friends today. Forget whatever diet you decided to go on yesterday, today in a day for embracing the potential freshman 15.
Let it out of yourself...into the toilet.
The hangover poop, the fun result of all those beers and cider. Just give yourself a moment in the bathroom and you don't need to apologize to anyone for what may happen in there, apologies are for the day after hangovers, or you could just repress it. Who likes to talk about bathroom stuff anyway? Let it go, literally. Maybe light a candle, or five.
Prepare yourself.
You may or may not throwup, you can't know, so prepare yourself accordingly. Be sure to be near a toilet, bucket, plastic bag, sink, clump of bushes ex-boyfriend's shoes whatever. Anything that is socially acceptable to throw up into. And be sure to surround yourself with people who will at least give you a pat on the back, you need comfort not judgement.
Distract yourself.
If you're one of those ridiculously put together people who have life totally figured out, go for a run like the perfect gazelle that you are and forget about your troubles. For the rest of us 'normals', today is a day of rest. If you don't have important lectures or a shift at work to do then grab a blanket, popcorn and tea and binge on Netflix. You're bound to find something to distract you from the fact that your body is the furthest thing from a wonderland. Or if your lucky, or got lucky last night, and have the energy maybe engage in some morning sex. That rush of endorphins from the exercise and orgasms will definitely make you feel better about pretty much everything.
If all else fails....Bloody Mary yourself.
The hair of the dog that bit you, whatever that phrase means. Bloody Marys are basically adult fruit smoothies, they're a brunch drink.there's nothing wrong with drinking them in the morning.Some people swear by the hair of the dog, most doctors warn its the first step on the road to alcoholism. So its a toss up! If they don't help, which they probably won't, at least you've got time. It will end...eventually. Plus you'll definitely forget how much it hurt the next time someone suggests a night out, like tonight for instance. Who said they're never drinking again?
