What if, when you walked into the off license and opened up the fridge to pick up a few cold brewskis all the beer started talking to you, begging you to buy them over the other beers? What would you do? How would you react if beer could talk?
But most importantly, what would it say?
Bud Light
Hey, you! Over here!
You
Who, me?
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Bud Light
Yes you! Looking for a party? I've got smooth flavor, light taste, and the ladies LOVE me! Do we have a deal or what?
You
A deal? Um no, I'm not sure what I want yet. Thanks.
Bud Light
Are you sure? Because I'm basically a party in a can over here! Buy me and who knows WHAT crazy adventures you'll end up having tonight! Are you in?
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You
No, I'm not in. Thanks, really.
Bud Light
Are you sure? Because with my festive appearance and...
You
Jesus, Bud Light, if I buy a six pack will just shut the fuck up already? Can a guy go two entire seconds without being pressured to buy Bud Light in this day and age?
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Coors Light
What he said!
You
Excuse me?
Coors Light
Uh, yeah! Whatever Bud Light said! Same goes for me!
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You
Really? That's your sales pitch? Just "ditto" to whatever Bud Light says?
Coors Light
Not just that. I'm also the COLDEST.
You
LOL. The coldest? You're not even in the refrigerated section! You're as cold as I am!
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Coors Light
No, no, no. I'm BREWED the coldest. Colder than any of these wannabes, at least.
You
Why the hell would I care how cold it was when they brewed you? You're room temperature now.
Coors Light
Oh yeah? Well why don't you buy me, put me in the fridge, then when I get ICE COLD later on you can watch my logo change colors!
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You
Wow. This is getting pathetic.
Locally Brewed Ale
I couldn't agree more, my dear boy.
You
Holy shit! whose that?
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Locally Brewed Ale
No, it's me, Samuel Adams. Founding father and beer aficionado, at your service. Can I interest you in a stout, or perhaps an ale young man?
You
That's quite an introduction...
Locally Brewed Ale
Why thank you kindly. I sell only the finest ales and lagers and for only a small premium. Shall I put you down for a couple of pints you old scallywag?
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You
No thanks, actually. Your stuff is great and all but after two or three of them I just hit a wall. I need something less filling.
Miller Lite
Did somebody say "less filling?"
You
Save your breath, Miller Lite. If I wanted to sacrifice taste for fewer calories I wouldn't be drinking beer in the first place.
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All the Other Light Beers...
Shit...
Cheap Shit
Wazzzzzzuup! You feel like pounding 30 cans and not feeling the least bit drunk tonight or WHAT?!?
You
Dude...are you like...mentally challenged?
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Cheap Shit
LOL totally!
You
WTF?
Extra Strong Beer
You got a problem?
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You
Excuse me?
Extra Strong Beer
I see you eyeing me, mug. You got something to say?
You
NO I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY.
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Extra Strong Beer
That's what I thought.
Hipster Brew...
I don't even want you to buy me, poser. That's just what society wants you to think. Ironic, isn't it?
You
ENOUGH! What is wrong with you all? All I want is a drink that gets me drunk, doesn't taste like water, and doesn't fill me up so fast I start to hate it halfway through. Is that really too much to ask?
Whiskey
Step into my office, son.
Courtesy of always hilarious CollegeHumor
