Give me a first name, a city they live in/go to college in and I can find them. Is that scary, or impressive? Nowadays, it's easy to find anything you want about a person from very little clues. With everyone writing all about themselves on the internet, it's difficult to remain truly anonymous unless you're running a really long con. However, there are some signs that your level of online stalking has reached extreme levels. Maybe you should find yourself another hobby...or go get laid. Just a suggestion...
1) It's Rare You Meet 'New' People
You could be introduced to someone at a party and you instantly recognise them from someone's photos on Instagram or Facebook. You, of course, have to pretend to not recognise them, but bring up the mutual friend casually.
2) People With Private Profiles Are A Welcome Challenge
Too often, information is just too easy for you to get, so you enjoy a challenge from time to time. So what if someone has blocked you from their profile, they have other friends who haven't. Plus, they have other social media accounts as well. Were they really that thorough, and if they were, do you really think that'd slow you down?
3) You Don't Need To Catch Up With People
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When you meet up with friends, yes you enjoy their company but they rarely have any new information about their lives that you hadn't gleaned already from your email notifications. It might make conversation a little stilted unless the reason they're meeting up with you is to creep on someone else's profile...
4) Your Friends Are Aware Of Your Power...
They know what you can do and react accordingly, always trying to stay on your good side. It doesn't matter that they untagged themselves from a picture or removed it from their profile, you probably have a copy somewhere. No one would like to be on the receiving line of your online power. Embarrassing photos from five years ago might start resurfacing all over other people's profiles....
5) Who Needs Reunions?
You're still friends with all of your friends from nursery. You are aware of which colleges they went to, who their significant others are, their new best friends, where they were on holidays last year and where they work. All without having spoken to them in about seven years. Creep.
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6) Fancy Someone? Better Stock Up On Supplies...
The last time you fancied someone, you woke up one day with their face staring at you from their profile, which was open on your laptop, which is on your pillow from you staying up all night creeping on their profile. Staying home and looking through their profile is honestly more fun to you than going out with your friends. You just have to make sure you don't accidentally like something....
7) Dating: When Pixels Become People
You spend so long going through mutual friends, interests, and photos of a person before you go out with them, that you nearly don't recognise them in real life. But at least you have a whole arsenal of information about them so the conversation should keep flowing. Or they'll be so creeped out by how much you seem to know about them that they block you online - not like that would stop you. As if.
8) Worst.Case.Scenario.
Favouriting a tweet from two years ago; liking an old photo on their exes page who you never met, typing their name into your status and worst of all, opening up your laptop in front of the person you're currently stalking, only to see their profile staring right back at you. You hope they didn't see....but they totally did. But hey, chances are if they like you, they're totally stalking you as well. Match made in creepy cyber heaven.
