I do not know you, but I am willing to hazard a guess about you, and your interests, that I suspect to be true. I bet that you enjoy consuming chocolate effigies of rabbits. I suspect that there are few greater pleasures for you in this world than staring into the blank, vacant eyes of a rabbit, rendered in cocoa, knowing full well that within moments you are going to ingest it.
Thankfully, Lindt have catered to this very specific need with their line of thick, chocolate rabbits, covered in delicate gold foil. However, the struggles you must've endured to sate this need prior to the release of this product hardly bear thinking about. The hours you must've spent taking evening classes in amateur chocolatiering in a municipal arts centre to try hone your skills so that you might fashion a suitably accurate chocolate effigy of a rabbit. Yet, no matter how long you spent trying to improve, no matter how long you slaved away, you would still just end up staring down at a pulpen mass of brown sludge which bore as close a resemblance to a rabbit as a Fiat Punto does to Marty Whelan, ie. perhaps a little under certain lights, but in general, not very much.
Again, thank god for the widespread availability of Lindt's range of mass-produced chocolate lagomorphs. Now, in what must surely come as 'good news' you will soon be able to acquire these, not from the grubby hands of some third-party retailer who no doubt extract some form of commission per sale, but straight from the source - a Lindt shop. This Saturday, October 5, a pop-up Lindt shop will be opening in Kildare Village.
So flock hither, come from far and wide, plunge needlessly vast amounts of carbon into the increasingly unstable atmosphere by journeying from throughout the land so that you may witness the ribbon-cutting ceremony at 9am which signals the opening of this shop. Should you express your commitment by arriving sufficiently early, and count yourself as one of the first 100 customers to flash some plastic and make a purchase, you will receive a gift of Lindor Milk Truffles.
It is unclear just how large the demand for this will be; unclear just how many people will be clamouring to gain access to the shop as soon as the large ceremonial scissors - perhaps wielded by a local mayor? - scythe through the decorative ribbon. As such, it is imperative that you get down early. Camp out the night before if you must. Forsake your family, abandon those you love, get down there now so that you may stake out a spot, proximus enough to the storefront, that enables you to be one of the first 100 people through the hallowed doors of this, a Lindt pop-up shop.
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Should you not be hooked by what I have described thus far, let me utter to you a phrase that I think will put to bed any lingering doubts you possess as to whether you should abandon whatever weekend plans you had which, are now, inhibiting you from attending this Lindt store: 'a Lindt Pick and Mix'. There will be an array of individually wrapped truffles of a variety of flavours. You will be able to combine these into some small box or bag at your discretion and you will be able to pay for your chosen agglomeration of these by weight.
Given that I exceeded the required word count for this article several paragraphs ago, I shall do us all a favour, and cease.
