College has its many advantages, freedom, frequent(daily) lie ins without the fear of your mammy hovering around your pillow to disturb you from your much undeserved slumber, twice weekly nights out that inevitably always result in the same thing, Coppers and shame, the consuming of precisely 11 cups of tea in the space of a day, Tesco value paint stripper or as it’s labelled- vodka (well anyone who has suffered through the hangover will agree with me on that one), daytime naps, because you know, you’re having such a tough time of it, chin up pet, you’ve only got three hours of lectures to skip tomorrow. I could go on.
So yes, College is, for the most part great fun. I’m quite sure that many an unfortunate (first world problems) person out there can agree with this, the shittest aspect of college has to be the crippling lack of money made better for a brief moment only by that feeling of overwhelming wealth when;
a) The grant comes in (YAY, let’s go f**king mental, WOO Penneys, hello I may as well just spend 65 euro in here on clothes and shoes that’ll fall apart upon the first mere encounter with moisture, come onnnnnnnn everybody lets all go out and barely bother pre-drinking the Smirnoff that I bought because I’m so goddam rich now, in fact lets all order Jagerbombs and I’ll pay for everything because I’m sooooooo rich. Until tomorrow that is, when I check my insufficient funds and the cold hard realisation that I have no money for rent/ food/ getting home for a proper meal hits me harder that the cuts to the grant in the first place.
b) The parents begrudgingly hand over some of their hard earned cash on a Sunday evening, a look in their eyes that suggests, 'yes we both know that there is no way you’ll be spending this on food or other sensible things you little shit, but I can’t actually sit by and let you starve so here, now go away for 5 days and have a great time and don’t die from too much drink please.' This is all great of course, until Wednesday when you have to ring and butter them up for more money because the ESB/ rent/ college books need to be drank.
There is no other feeling like the feeling of checking your bank balance in the desperate hope that there may be €9 in there to see you through the bad times. Having to actually survive off €7.35 for a week is probably the lowest one can ever sink whilst actually remaining on dry land.
I did it once, here’s all you need to know;
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1) Cous cous is your new friend, as are noodles, as is spar value cereal.
2) Walking to college in the rain and then walking home again isn’t as bad as one might imagine, just wear shoes that don’t expose half your feet. I did not. It was a cold day that day, cold and sad.
3) Don’t ask your fellow classmates what they had for dinner last night. When the majority of your classmates live at home and respond with things like “oh some beef thing, you?” you’ll inevitably have to tell them that you have cereal and are hungry and want to go home and eat proper food but going home costs money you see. Damn you city people.
4) Be safe in the knowledge that a kit kat is a perfectly fine lunch, no you’re not at all jealous of the chicken fillet roll that Sean over there is eating, no Sean I’m not really hungry at all. AT ALL.
So there you have it folks, it can be done. Just be safe in the knowledge that this too shall pass. Before you know it you’ll be shopping weekly in Tesco (the reduced section obviously) and that cous cous will be a thing of the past. Until then, you really need to buy a book for college and it costs 45 euro. Do it. Pick up that phone.
