I recently befriended a guy who loves the idea of all things manly and postulates these ideas to me frequently. Although his suggestions are often met with resistance -- I do love masculine men but I am not a complete traditionalist when it comes to such matters - I have learned from him that there are a number of elements on which the Manly-Man prides himself. They are as follows:
1. The Beard:
Manly-Men love beards, and are extremely proud of the fact that they possess the ability to grow good facial hair when others do not. Because of this they are particularly partial to times of the year when beards become socially acceptable, namely exam time and the infamous Movember. During these periods the Manly-Man wears his beard like a king wears a crown or like Miley Cyrus wears, well, nothing at all. Once these special occasions have passed, the Manly-Man will reluctantly shave off his beard and find the smallest resemblance of comfort in the knowledge that now everyone knows he has a unique gift, a gift that allows him to grow a mighty fine beard.
2. Chest Hair:
Indeed, beards are not the only form of excess hair that Manly-Men love to sport. In an age where many men are opting to Veet this area (to the delight of many women might I add) the Manly-Man stands firm and refuses to let go of these protrusions of the chest. Maybe it allows him to indulge once more in a boyhood fantasy that was inspired by his former hero Austin Powers or maybe it just keeps him warm at night, I remain unsure. All I know is that the Manly-Man might be willing to part with other forms of hair for his beloved, but never ever his chest hair.
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3. Strength:
There is nothing that the Manly-Man enjoys more than the chance to display his strength. Be it in the gym, on the pitch, or in the bedroom the Manly-Man will always embrace the opportunity to show the world just what it means to be masculine. It may appear basic and biological but still there are few girls who can honestly say they don't love a bit of brawn.
4. Them Gains:
Manly-Men love food. They love their meat, they love their eggs, but above all they love their whey. On top of every Manly-Man's fridge or counter-top rests an obnoxiously large tub of protein powder. And there is one thing you can always be sure of when it comes to protein powder: it will be on display. The Manly-Man is not ashamed of the fact that he eats ten protein-based meals a day. The Manly-Man is, in fact, ashamed of nothing.
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5. Gettin' Big:
Naturally this is related to the previous two points but since "gettin' big" (or "bulking") is of such importance to the Manly-Man I felt that it deserved a point all to itself. This is the objective of every Manly-Man's day. If he's not increasing in mass he runs the risk of losing some of the gains he's worked so hard on achieving and that is something which the Manly-Man simply could not allow to happen. Many modern Manly-Men are products of the fitness revolution we seem to be currently experiencing. Men of this generation know that time spent on anything other than eating, working-out, or discussing eating and working-out is time wasted.
6. Doing Manly Things with Other Manly-Men:
Every Manly-Man needs a solid group of like-minded Manly-Men. Together, they can engage in all the manly activities. Such testosterone-infused exercises include, but are not limited to, playing manly-sports such as rugby, drinking pints of liquid, pulling women, engaging in general manter (man-banter), and slagging regular-sized men. But Man-Friends are real friends and therefore are not only there for each other during the good times but also during the bad. This can be seen most predominantly when a Manly-Man reassures/slags a fellow Manly-Man that his muscles are in fact shrinking or that that girl he pulled last night really was a beast of a woman.
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7. The Man-Drawer:
Where would the Manly-Man store all of his manly equipment if it wasn't for the Man-Drawer? The Man-Drawer contains everything that the Manly-Man could ever need from old hammers and screws to wasted batteries and out-dated mobile phones. It is the channeling of the masculine into furniture. Of course, new items of utmost importance (such as the odd bit of string or half-used rolls of duct tape) may on occasion have the opportunity to enter the Man-Drawer but once in no item ever makes it back out.
8. The Ability to Fix Things and Build Shit:
There is reason other than the fact that they are generally quite aesthetically pleasing that we keep the Manly-Man in our lives and that is that the Manly-Man not only has the uncanny ability to fix the things we break but also that they insist on doing so. During the fixing process he'll probably warm up, strip himself from the restraints of his t-shirt only to reveal his forest of well-nourished chest-hair, down a protein shake or two, and appear to develop an abundance of manly-activity-induced facial hair that you swear wasn't there when he arrived this morning. After all of this he'll head off to meet with the manliest men he knows to tell them of his manly conquests.
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