Sh*t Girls Hear In The Toilets On A Night

Sh*t you hear in a the girls clubs toilets. (Not actual shit. That would be disgusting.)

No we mean the sound of whine, bitch and moan - the soundtrack to a club toilet - where 2 euro stands between you and a Chupa Chups from Madam Peepee...

The queue for the toilets is an epic place where women, in the absence of men, let all the bat shit crazy out and just become themselves - you don't know what your friend is really like until you've sat with her for two hours discussing life in the small confines of a club toilet.

1) "OH MY GOD LOOK AT THE QUEUE"

On entering the toilet you realise that you're going to be there for a while..

2) "Sure fuck it, might as well have a chupa chups while we're waiting".

Look over and there's the toilet attendant selling a lolly and a spray of sure deodorant for a fiver, at the time it's a great idea. you've finished your drink and you have no idea what to do with your hands.

3) Crouching Tiger Hidden Naggin

The sound of sellotape been ripped from thigh as a girl removes her drinks for the evening.

4) "WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE ME ?? What's wrong with me?"

There is always one girl who ruins her own and everyone elses night by crying about some total dickhead. She will be surrounded by a loyal chorus of "NO you're so pretty, omg he's such an idiot" and other such things..

5) "Where is my phone - have you seen my phone , oh fuck my phone..."

This girl only realises she's lost her iPhone as soon as she gets into the bathroom . "Try ringing it" is literally the stupidest thing you can say at this point..

6) "Can I borrow your foundation? Does anyone have any make up?"

Drunk girls can't match their shade properly.. 'Sure you've got the same skin type of me' No sweetie, no she doesn't.

7) Shitfaced Siobhan puking her ring in the corner

Siobhan? Are you okay? Do you need to go home? I think she needs a taxi... Nigs.

8) "SOMEBODY IS IN HERE" That awkward moment when the lock doesn't work

9) Two girls fighting about something neither of them will remember in the morning..

"Your extensions look like pubes."

"Yeah? Go fuck yourself, you look like you rolled in shit."

10) "Hold my drink! DON'T drink any."

11) "Where is Lucy? LUCY ?!?" *Frantically knocks on every door in the club*

Ahh whats a night out without a 50 minute search for a friend whose probably getting with someone in a random corner of the club...

12) Some girl crying by herself in the club toilet

Whether you comfort her all depends on how drunk you are.

13) "OMG I LOVE THIS SONG LET'S GO DANCE"

14) The middle aged bitching about 'young wans'

15) The declarations of love

"Oh my god, I love you - you're my best friend ever, ever, ever!"

17) Does anyone have Lipstick... Lipgloss??... Lipbalm ?

Anything moist that I can put on my lips so I can get the shift??

18) "Ehhhhhh sorry??"

When some girl rushes into the toilet before you

19) "I shaved my legs for nothing!"

Someone realising they're not getting the ride that night...

20) SELFIE!!!!!

21) "Let's get shots!"

22) Hearing a door unlock and a toilet cubicle to become available

Hallelujah!