How To Survive When You Literally Have No Money

Lads, look we' ve all been there. Be it waiting for pay day to come, or just never having any money in general. (The latter is myself) College is hard enough as it is, we shouldn't have to worry about stupid things like money, but alas, money makes the world go round. It's very hard to survive out there. There are a few tips and tricks that I've acquired over my moneyless life and I want to share them with you. You CAN have it all.

1. Have Friends

Friends are more than just people to hang out with, friends are people that will buy you things. MAKE MORE FRIENDS. Irish people have a tendency to treat their friends very well. I'm sure you've had one of your friends pay for your night out at some point. "Man, not heading out tonight. So broke. Have fun though!" " No come on, I'll lend you twenty. 3.99 bottle of wine from lidl, money for taxis and entry to the club. Sorted." Friends also buy you food. Moral of the story - get more friends you loser.

2. Stop Eating Out

I know, chips and burgers from Eddie Rockets are literally all you ever want... But stop that! Start making food yo'self you lazy lump. You can get away with doing an entire food shop in Lidl for like 30 euro at the start of the week, and then you're sorted. Make a big batch of something for dinner and eat it for a few days, do not be afraid of leftovers - they are your friend. Buy loads of chocolate even if you're trying to be good, because in fairness- you deserve it.

3. Be Good At Lying

This one is only for the really desperate peeps out there. Say you need to get somewhere on the bus, but you don't even have a euro to your name. You can get on the bus, search in your bag for a good minute and look super embarrassed to have 'lost' your leap card. A few crocodile tears later, the bus driver will feel sorry for poor little you, and say "Ah go on, don't forget it again." You'll strut down the bus and everyone will marvel at your evil genius mwahahahaha.

4. Hang Around

This one is a personal favourite of mine. Say you feel like having a beer - but again you have no money. What you do is you bop down to the college bar, you find a seat and sit there on your phone until you see someone you know. They sit next to you and ye start chatting. Chatting in a college bar ALWAYS leads to someone saying "pints?" You say "Nah man, I'm too skint" They say "Ah go on." You say " No really, I have zero funds." They say "Sure here, I'll buy you one, I'm sure I owe you one anyway" You say "No, no, no don't be doing that!" They say "Beer or cider?" You make your choice and you're on your merry way to drunkness. Hurray.

5. Sell Your Things

Old dress you bought for your aunts wedding from 5 years ago forlorn and forgotten in your wardrobe? Sell it. Still own a skirt that was OK when you were younger, but if you wore it now you may be mistaken for a prostitute? SELL IT. And those shoes you keep because you'll wear them 'someday'.. Just sell them. You will never wear them. You can sell anything. Look at those dudes who buy used knickers and stuff on e-bay, just remember... People will buy ANYTHING, so have a think about that.

6. Make Every Drop Count

This goes for shampoo, soap, soup, wine, coffee, and anything else in liquid form. Gone are the days when you could shampoo your hair twice with ease. Gone are the days when you scooped heaped tablespoons of coffee into your cup. You need to scrimp and save every single thing you own. So don't drink your entire bottle of wine in one sitting like you usually do. Ah no actually, fuck that- once you open a bottle of wine it'd be rude not to finish it. And it goes off I'm sure, no- definitely drink that wine.