There's nothing better than a good old cry, from time to time. A good weep can clear the senses and make you see things in a whole new light. There are however, times when having a good cry is the most inappropriate thing in the world, both for the crier and the witnesses. Talk about a sob story...
1) In Work
Unless a terrible tragedy has befallen your entire family, there is no excuse for turning the waterworks on in front of your boss. It's not ok. So don't do it. They are pretty much guaranteed to see you in a whole new, weakened light afterwards.
2) In A Pub
Do you really want to be that blubbering idiot crying over their pint, because you've spilled three quarters of your crisps on the floor? Thought not. Pull yourself together man.
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3) In A Nightclub
Nightclub workers have their work cut out for them, what with all of the mopping of tears they must do on a nightly basis. Why people feel the need to sob their sorry hearts out in a dark, loud, fun house, is beyond me. Must be the magic of alcohol. Be warned though, crying will not result in you getting any form of action, whatsoever.
4) In A Lecture
I understand that learning about medieval English is zero craic, I really do, but here, in a lecture hall packed to the rafters with 500 equally bored wasters, is not the place to express that pain through water filled eyes, I assure you.
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5) In Front Of Your Girlfriends/ Boyfriends Parents
What an embarrassing day for you. They now either reckon that you're not the full shilling, so to speak, or are a prize physco. Either way, don't be expecting any dinner invitations in the near future.
6) On A Date
Hi there, I've just met you so I know feel as though this is the appropriate time to blubber away all of my problems. The first few dates are an awkward enough experience as it is, don't, for the love of all that is sacred, make them any worse than they need to be. Hold in those tears and don't even broach the subject of exes. STOP IT.
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7) In Front Of Your Girlfriends/ Boyfriends Friends
This is especially cringe if you're a fairly new couple and are at the stage where their friends are still judging every word that comes out of your mouth. Following a crying episode, I'm afraid to tell you that you're forever destined to be known as the 'weeping wierdo'.
8) On Public Transport
There are more than enough odd balls on the bus as it is, we don't need another. This can only be made more awkward if you've been sitting by your lonesome. Then you're a crying loner on a bus. Actually, now that I think about it, that's pretty sad. Sorry...
9) When Your Team Wins
Whatever about being on the actual team and winning, that's somewhat acceptable. When, however, you're one of those men who tear up when a 'beautiful' goal is scored, I have some advice for you. Please, cop on to your life. You're crying about a ball. Essentially, when it boils down to it. It's all about a ball. A BALL.
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