When I think of college I think of drinking, study and 4 years of terrible roommates and neighbours... there are four in particular that stand out.
The Drama Queen
Most college houses wouldn't be complete without their daily dose of drama served by this shit-stirring son-of-a-gun. Drama in all its forms energises them and makes them wreck havoc on roommate relations. Not a good one to be.
2 The One Who Loves Drugs
You know the way people say "Smoke weed everyday!" when they're smoking up on a night out? Yeah. This guy actually does it. Multiple times a day. That shed in the back garden that he frequents a little too often? That's a growhouse. Or he's hot-boxing that shit. TOP TIP: Hide the grinder and skins when the landlord calls. That shit is illegal.
3 The One Who Hates Drugs
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This one is the nemesis of Roommate No.2 and they are often found in confrontational situations. They WILL kill your buzz and raise issues over anything drug related. Then go out and get absolutely balubas on Thursday night until they're gawking in your living room. So it goes.
4. The Clean Freak
Personally I like to remain on excellent terms with this room mate as it will often be them who is cleaning up after everyone else after the house inevitably gets trashed. Do not take advantage or you will end up sleeping on Domino's pizza boxes and empty cans of Devil's Bit.
5 The Party Animal
This guy! You know the guy. Ents Rep, out every night, perpetual Fresher. His life view is that life doesn't get much better than a shoulder of vodka and he'd sell his soul for a hot chickie roll. Constantly skint. You will share the best of times with this guy in college. Just don't expect him to loan you €2 in your time of need.
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6. The One Who Always Takes Someone Home
Now I'm all for a bit of how's your father, but she's just taking the piss.
7 The One Who joins all the societies
She is the absolute nicest person in the world but she has a serious problem with saying no to Societies. Sure we've all signed up for Young Fine Gael because they gave you free lollipops on Societies Day, and now they won't stop emailing you. But she will attend every meeting and manage every event, while juggling being Secretary for Amnesty, Treasurer for LGBT and Auditor for Law Soc. Some how she'll still manage to get a First in the summer.
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8. The One Who Studies All the Time
This lad must be pioneering some serious shit because Roommates 1 through 7 have never seen him but he's the one constantly burning the midnight oil in his room. He may come out. Just once. For Rag Week. He will spend the rest of the year in his room inventing the iPhone 7 and writing code. Or masturbating?
9 The Slutbag
This term, introduced to me by my roommate Katie, says it all. You know the wan who goes out with the tan blazing like Ron Burgundy's glorious moustache, the lashes smacking you against the wall on the way out the door and the naggin strapped cheekily to her thigh? Now you have a name for her.
