Easter has many good qualities. There is chocolate, a family roast, potential money from grand parents and, of course, the resurrection of Jesus Christ. But the bad qualities might certainly out weigh the good. Family time is stressful and no self respecting individual can deny Christmas and Easter is filled with numerous fights and tantrums, and, that's just the adults. So, if you are venturing home this Easter weekend and are dreading it, here are The Family Fights You Will Experience At Home This Easter.
1) The Sibling Rivalry
It is as if every annoying quality you have ever disliked about your brother or sister comes to light this weekend. It could be competitive or it could be the fact your mum gave Susie more roast potatoes than you but, one thing I can guarantee, is it will kick off. Your mum will cry and say "why can't we all just get on", while your dead yells "SILENCE" as he is watching a very important match. You may pull hair, you may punch but guard your Easter egg with all the strength you have.
2) The Mass Journey
The journey to Mass this Friday, Saturday and Sunday will be intense. There will be at least three fights on the way there. One involving your brother that said "Thank Fuck" in the car, where your mother responds "To swear today of all days!" Your dads blatant preference towards your eldest sister and your youngest sister who has been on Tinder for the whole bloody car journey and should "stop playing that filth."
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3) The Life Intervention
There will be tears and a lot of swearing if your parents decide to have 'the future' talk with you. "Where is your life going?", "What exactly do you want to do?", "Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?". This will lead to anxiety and panic. Even though you shrug your shoulders like the mad arse you are and say "I couldn't give a rats ass", you will go to your room and cry. For the rest of the weekend this three questions will be circling your brain. Thanks for that.
4) The Weight Gain
It is inevitable that this time of the year, with exam stress and food galore, one family member will have put on a bit of weight. Queue a sibling, parent or grand parent announcing this to the whole table. They really think that their "are you really gonna eat more?" or "not another tub of Ben & Jerry's?" is going to help you, but instead you eat more.
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5) The Tantrum
Maybe it is because someone got a bigger Easter egg than the others, maybe it is because you don't like the food or maybe you just can't take this hell house anymore, but a tantrum is among us. Even if you are 15 or 55 your tantrum will be epic. Tears, swearing and slagging anyone off who enters your sight. You are going to erupt and you don't care who you take down with you in the process.
6) The Lazy Bones
"Jesus Jessica would you not get off that couch and help me with the house work." "Mum, I'm on my rare holiday from college would you leave me alone." "Mothers never have a day off did you ever think of that?". Why can't they just leave us alone and let us watch the Kardashian marathon however "shite" and "rotting our brains" they think it is.
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7) The Lick Arse
There is always one in the family that sucks up to their parents. Helping them non-stop and watching all their favorite shows with them. This can get annoying. You can see right through your siblings thoughts and you know this is all an act for their much needed money for their trip to America this June.
8) The Attention Seeker
They will always interrupt and talk over people. Their stories will seem much more important than yours. They love attention but aren't doing it deliberately, so, there is really nothing you can do about it.
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9) The Awkward Cousins
You have begged your parents not to invite over your cousins. You never speak except at Easter and Christmas and you find it hard to relax around them. Also, they have all applied for masters in Cambridge and Harvard and you just couldn't be arsed to hear your parents faun over them. There will be a row before they come, while they're here and when they leave. "Why can't you be more like Sarah and Eoin" is on repeat.
10) The Drama Queen
They just "can't deal". Every question is responded with "nigs" or "like I could not be bothered." The Drama Queen exists in every household and everything is exaggerated.
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11) The Parents Debacle
Parents will argue and it will be over the stupidest things or else it will be a massive argument. They will eventually kiss and make up very publicly and for some strange reason you won't be able to look away.
12) The Ethical Interruption
All of sudden your sister has decided to become a vegan. After watching a tearful and dramatic E! documentary, they have decided it is wrong. Queue an hour of dirty looks and disapproving huffing and puffing. If looks could kill the lamb carver would be long gone. They also can't stand the fact that there is no vegan option.
13) The "We Hate Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend"
Your family cannot stand your girlfriend or boyfriend. Any time you are texting them or on the phone to them eyes will roll. They all say you can do better and not to be spending your spare time with a "waster" like them.
