We're not talking your everyday cheese and onion or salt and vinegar cut crisp here, were talking the delicious, non nutritious corn and maize snacks that you gobble down like the greedy little slob that you are as you lay there on the couch stewing in your juices as hungover as humanly possible. Theres only only thing that can cure you, a 6 pack of one of these bad boys. Anything not on the list has been deemed not good enough...so deal with it!
Jonnie Onion Rings - Rating: 6
Jonnie comes in with a very respectable 6, only lacking in the fact that there's rarely enough in the bag and the absolute bang off them. The ultimate crisp for hiding the fact that you reek of booze...but you have to replace it with smelling like an onion farm. That's a real thing isn't it?!
Manhattan Popcorn - Rating: 9
While technically not a crisp, there's no way it wasn't making this list. Popcorn is my weakness, I would eat it from a winos underpants given half a chance. Regular Popcorn (microwavable..etc) comes in at an 8 but Manhattan and Cinema Plopcorn is a definite 9 and only one other crisp on this list has the honour of beating it.
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Chipsticks - Rating: 7
A solid hangover crisp. It wouldn't be strange to see a pack devoured in less than 10 minutes. The only negative with Chipsticks are salty and greasy fingers, which in itself brings a positive. You get to lick your salty, greasy fingers clean. Turned on? Thought so ;)
Banshee Bones - Rating: 4
There are some who are banshee bones fans, there are some of us who aren't. The saltiness reminds me of swallying a load of sea water as a child so it's completely possible that particular trauma that has caused my disdain.
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Chickatees - Rating: 4
Chickatees have just really never captured my overall sense of crispiness, they don't excite me, they don't even have a good crunch, they just get stuck in my teeth. There's only one reason they're here...it's a genius name. BOCK BOCK!
Hot Lips - Rating: 6
If Hot Lips were a movie they'd be Gone in 60 Seconds. The taste is supreme, but the volume is a tad on the airy side. Hence the 6.
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Mighty Munch - Rating: 10
THE ultimate hangover crisp and I will hear no debate on the matter. The Sundays I have spent with a 6 pack of Mighty Munch are endless. They are top of my hungover list and incidentally in addition to a can of coke and a galaxy caramel form the foundation of the greatest hangover cure know to man me. I think I'll start a club.
Mega Meanies - Rating: 7
I like meanies, but I always forget about them. Then I remember to buy a packet, realise how good they are but strangely forget about them again. Solid crisp!
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BBQ Hula Hoops - Rating: 7
These are the most scrumptious of the Hula Hoop flavours, but their deep BBQ taste is only the second best thing about them, as they have the added benefit of doubling as jewellery! Darling, will you marry me? "I most certainly will not, you've proposed to me with a Hula Hoop you prick".
Rancheros - Rating: 3
They seem like a good idea at the time, but you burp a week later and you can still taste them. The sneakiest crisp on the planet.
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Snax - Rating: 7
The lowest calories of the lot...but who cares about calories when you're hungover. They are ultimately a child's crisp, but they taste so damn good!
Bacon Fries - Rating: 9
The most popular pub crisp in the country by far. In fact that's the only place I eat them. Well that and the recent batch we had here in the CT office. And that has nothing to do with the high rating ;)
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Waffles - Rating: 9
Such is my love for Waffles they are bettered by only one other type of crisp on this list. I have been know to alternate between bags of Waffles and Mighty Munch until I physically can't take any more. It is also impossible to get through a full bag without someone sticking their filthy paw into the bag of popular little bacon delights after you've reluctantly given them permission to do so.
Wheelies - Rating: 4
For me they are the epitome of a 'meh' crisp, plus the bag has been getting emptier by the year. They're now practically 30% Wheelies 70% air. I demand this be looked into. What do we want? More Wheelies. When do we want them? Monday.
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Skips - Rating: 2
Some of you like them, personally I'll take a pass on them. They do everything a crisp shouldn't do. They melt on your tongue, they're shaped like flowers and they smell like lady parts [citation needed] they're only crisp by name, not by nature.
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