You've just woken up. Your eyes are stuck together with clumps of last night's mascara and remnants of that smokey eye you worked so hard to get. The smell of two-for-one shots clings to you like glue. This on its own would be bad enough, but then, from the depths of your fog filled mind it emerges. You had unprotected sex last night. What were you thinking? Even you don't know the answer to that, but what you do know is that the moment you swing those streaky legs of yours out of bed you'll have to face up to this fact and find a solution to it. Get on your bike, be on your merry way. Here's what nobody tells you about the morning after pill;
1) You'll Be Brought Into A Private Room
In case you're fearing that moment of having to stand at the pharmacy counter and whisper those awful words in the vague hope that nobody will hear, then fear not. Ask if you can speak to the pharmacist in private, you don't have to say any more than that. Then stand back and await your fate in a small, white, overly sterilised room full of fun.
2) Where You'll Have To Answer A Series Of Questions
Don't panic, they won't ring your home doctor or anything as over the top as that. Don't live in the same fear as so many before you have. They won't ring your parents. Breathe. They'll ask for your basic details, whether or not you have any serious illness and then, just when you think all will be ok, they'll move sharply onto the blush-inducing stuff. Prepare yourself....
3) You'll Be Asked What Happened
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Don't mistake this as an opportunity to launch into a colourful description of the hows, whys and wheres of your most recent sex adventure. They want to know more along the lines of whether you intentionally barebacked that shit or if the condom broke. Stick to the facts and give an approximate time of how long ago it happened. The less time that's passed, the better.
4) You Should Know When Your Last Period Was
If you can tell your pharmacist what day of your cycle you're currently on, you'll most likely get a gold star for your winning efforts. Well no, you'll just get an anti-baby tablet, which is actually much better if you ask me. I know when you're in that situation, the last thing you can do is think clearly and rationally, but try and remember. It's not essential but it is helpful and it gives them a better idea of how much more effective taking the morning after pill will be for you. They'll also warn you that your next period may be affected and is likely to arrive either early or late.
5) The Number Of Times You've Taken It In The Past Won't Affect Its Efficiency
The morning after pill, or indeed, any form of emergency contraception is in no way to be relied upon as a steady form of contraception. The pill or implant, for example, are much more reliable (and cheap) at keeping you child-free. That said, if you've taken it a few times already and are panicking about whether or not this will hinder its efficiency this time around, then worry not. There's no evidence to suggest this to be true.
6) It Can Be Quite Expensive
Depending on where you go to get it, the morning after pill can cost up to 40 big ones. Some people choose to go to their college doctor, but you run the risk of having to wait for an appointment and in a situation where time is of the essence, your best bet is sticking to a pharmacy. Most will sell it, you don't need a doctors referral and it's fast. Just have some cash ready to go.
7) You May Feel Sick And Or Tired After Taking It
You must remember that you're throwing a huge amount of hormones into your system, all at once. Your body doesn't have a clue as to what the hell is going on and so you may experience dizziness, nausea, tiredness, sore boobs and/ or a surge of emotions. As long as you don't throw up, then don't worry, just get lots of sleep. If you do vomit within a certain time frame, you'll have to take another one. Rest up and you'll feel better in no time at all.
