Being in your twenties, particularly your early twenties, is a confusing time. On the one hand, you're barely finished school and on the other, you're classified as being a fully fledged adult now. Neither is very appealing during this tidal wave of emotional confusion. Who am I? Where am I? What is my life? To help you through this confusing chunk of your life, I, a fellow twenty something with no clue of how or where I want my life to go, will inform you of the things that you shouldn't worry about. Hopefully this will narrow down the things that keep you wide awake at night.
11) A Fully Established Career
They say that your twenties are for establishing yourself, career wise. Therefore, if you, similar to the other 91% of your peers, have either no job, a job that you detest or just don't know what the fuck you want to do with the rest of your life, then worry not. Get out there, travel, socialise, have fun and above all, keep trying. It'll happen eventually.
10) Finding 'The One'
By our age it's likely that most of our parents were together, or even worse, were married. You on the other hand, well, you went on a date there around Christmas and paid for your own cinema ticket. Embrace the freedom and independence that comes with having to answer to nobody because it probably won't last forever. One day you'll meet the person that's going to nag you for the rest of your life and you'll then yearn for your single days.
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9) Having The Body Of A God(ess)
Right now is probably the latest period in your life, during which you can eat takeaway four times a week and not be obese. Celebrate this. From what I hear, it all goes downhill from here. As long as you're healthy and active, then stop hating your body because when you look back at yourself when you're 62 and your tits are brushing the floor, you'll realise that actually, you were fairly ok.
8) Hating All Children
Right now, yes. All that the majority of twenty somethings are good at reproducing, is last nights pitcher of ten euro beer. Having to even consider making and then raising a small human being for the rest of our lives is not a pleasant thought for the day. Get out and hit the beer garden I say. Costs no more than fifty small ones and your dignity.
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7) Never Owning Your Own House
At the rate with which the property market is increasing and the employment rate decreasing, this is becoming more and more likely every day. There are plus points to this however. If, following the likely event you begin to hate a number of members of your house, you can pack up ship and move on, without the hassle of buying, selling and the mention of that thing we've all been afraid of since we first became aware of its existence. A Mortgage. *Cold sweats.*
6) Turning Into Your Parents
Dear god, here's hoping that this never happens. Don't get me wrong. My parents and most peoples (not all sadly, but most) parents are great. We love them dearly. Turning into them though, is not something that we ever want to happen. No offence. You are beginning to understand them more though. Whereas once you viewed your Dads ridiculous and biased opinions as totally stupid, you're now more than likely to agree with him. That's ok. He was probably right all along. Doesn't mean you're turning into him just yet.
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5) Being The Oldest In The Club
The greatest sign that you're pushing on, time wise, is that horrific feeling that you get when you're in a bar or club and the clientele are all young enough to worry about being underage. The easiest way to determine the average age of the clientele is by looking at their clothes. Is there an unnaturally high level of boobs and leg on display? Show them how it's done, you old mover you. Shake that bootay, or failing that, just snitch on them. Rage to be underage.
4) Appearing Cool On Social Media
Our generation was really the first to play out our adolescence, via the platform that is social media. Back in the day, giving someone love through Bebo, was our parents equivalent of giving someone flowers. Now we have Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram, to name but a few and the young ones have all jumped on board. Nowadays it seems that the more flesh you flash in your selfie, the more popular you'll be as a result. Also, learning that using the word 'lol' is inappropriate past the age of 15, is key. Don't try and outdo them. At 24, it just looks tragic. Be classy, cool and above all, act your (youngish) age. Remember, we were here first.
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3) Forgetting Everything You've Ever Learned
Your mid twenties is probably the first time in about 18 years that you won't be returning to school in September. You can finally feel grown up and mature. You're out in the real world now. Then one day it hits you. You've literally forgotten everything that you spent the entire of your speaking life learning. Down the swanny. Gonzo. Don't panic. As long as you can read, write and speak in some form of audible tone, then all has not been lost. Most of it was useless anyway. *Ahem*
2) Your Friends Beating You At Life
One minute you're all there drinking your lives away on a Wednesday afternoon in college and then BAM, they all go off and get proper jobs and just generally succeed at being an adult, whilst you can't yet change a lightbulb. You'll catch up eventually. They probably wish they were as carefree as you and cry themselves to sleep every night anyway. Probably.
1) Being Too Old To Drink So Much That You Nap In The Toilets
The fear takes on a whole new meaning, when you begin to fear that you're actually too old to be this hungover in the first place. You vaguely remember all of the seventeen year old's looking at you with a look of disapproval, that's usually only reserved for use by parents and teachers. Fuck them all. You need to drown your sorrows somehow, mask the general feeling of impending age doom. Enjoy it now. When you reach 52 it may actually be too old and tragic to be acceptable.
