Christmas is nearly upon us and with it comes the scent of regret. Christmas has long been associated with indulgence, stupid decisions and shameful remorse. Just remember, you're not alone. We all regret Christmas and everything that comes with it...
1) Eating Too Much
You've been so good all year. Salads, thin-crust pizzas, eggs three times a day. Then December rolls around and with it, the pounds that will inevitably sneak on to your waistline. We try so hard - really, we do - but when the house is stuffed with tins of chocolates, six-course dinners and bacon on everything... well, let's just say our ability to say 'no' becomes impaired.
2) The 12 Pubs Of Ruin
Christmas has always been associated with twelve days. Then some bright spark come up with the 'Twelve Pubs Of Christmas' concept and everything imploded. No good has or ever will come from this tradition. I can safely say I've never seen someone come out of the twelfth pub in an acceptable state. Not that we let that stop us from donning our finest Christmas jumpers and making complete tits of ourselves, year after year.
3) Not Saving Enough Money
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We had a year - a whole, entire year - to save up for this. Last December, broke and battered, we vowed to never let this happen again and yet here we are, not a cent to our names, hoping that every relation's visit will come with a sneaky twenty shoved into our hand. Maybe next year we'll learn that weeks of drinking, present-buying and general socializing all adds up. Maybe, but probably not.
4) Spending Too Much Money
There's just no getting around it: you will empty your bank account at double speed over the Christmas period. Sure, you've tried to convince yourself that you'll budget wisely, you won't overdo it, you'll bring some sneaky alcohol in your bag to cut down on steep prices. Hell, you might even attempt to make handmade presents this year. Well done. You'll still bankrupt yourself well into April though. Quit while you're ahead.
5) Kissing Inappropriates Beneath The Mistletoe
Christmas makes us all horny and lonely. We get drunk on mulled wine and crave sex beside a fire (it can't just be me...). Anyway, Christmas has the ability to bring out your inner needy-Nancy. You haven't seen your childhood mistake - sorry, sweetheart - since last year. There's mistletoe and I'm drunk as a monkey... Oh Jesus, what have I done?
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6) Exam Regret
Whatever about summer exams, I've always thought their Christmas counterparts were the work of the devil. Who could possibly be in the mood to cram and panic and live in the library when there are Christmas parties, drinking and snow to be enjoyed? So, like many before you, you don't really try hard enough for your exams and then spend the entire Christmas period having mini-panic attacks about your results. That'll teach you (it won't).
7) Getting Shit Presents
You're either born an excellent present-giver or you are not. It is not something that can be taught. I have always wanted to give 'thoughtful presents'. Photo albums full of personal touches or tickets to something they mentioned months ago. The hard thing is, getting something utterly shit and thoughtless in return. Here's a voucher, I love you. Really though? REALLY?
8) Telling Anything To Your Relatives
Get a few glasses of mulled wine into you and the details of your personal life will begin to flow. Nothing -and I mean nothing - but sobriety will stem that flow. This is just about ok when you're telling your friends about your sex life (I did say 'just about'), but when it's about the state of your relationships and your Auntie Mary is the one doing the prodding... Well, it can be a lot more difficult to undo those truths.
9) How Boredom Led You To Stupid Things
Maybe you spend Christmas in some exciting metropolis like New York or London. If so, this point doesn't really apply to you because, for most of us, Christmas means six days of fighting with our families in a small, cramped house with a shit internet connection and a constant hangover. You'd nearly be forgiven for calling the ex, sexting that hot idiot or cutting your own fringe. Really though, you should have more sense than that by now...
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