11 Signs Your Friend Is A Bollocks

Even when you love your friends to bits there's always one who's a bit of a bollocks. If you're struggling to think of who's the bollocks then it's probably you. Here are 11 types of people and signs that indicate that your friend is a bit of a bollocks:

1. The One Who's Always Late Friend

"I'm literally five minutes away" usually translates to "I'll see you in two hours".

2. The One Who Cringes At Everything Friend

"Oh no, I couldn't do/ touch/ eat/ feel/ that!" *cringes for twenty-five minutes*.

3. The "Can I Have A Bit Of That?" Friend

Would you take the last few scraps away from a hungry stray dog? How dare you!

4. The "I'll Buy You A Drink Inside If You Pay For The Taxi" Friend

Or the famous last words,"do you wanna go halves on this?" only you never see your half.

5. The Tags You In Memes But Never Replies To Your Whatsapp Friend

Prick.

6. The "K" Friend

Send me a "k" as a reply again and you're getting blocked.

7. The Friend Who Comes Out Of Hiding After A Break-Up

When things go south in that 'perfect' relationship you'll get texts from the said friend like "We never go out anymore!". Suddenly they're trying to get a Coppers gold card and asking you to book flights on your card.

8. The "When You Free?" Friend

Which translates to "I'm free in 2021 but I'm going to keep asking you until I'm actually free and I'll contact you at the last minute and then we'll miss each other until we're back to "when you free?" again'".

9. The One Who Loves The "Irish Goodbye"

It's 1.00 am. You turn away from your friend to ask the DJ to play your favourite Spice Girls track and your friend is already halfway up the road, waffling to the taxi man about how they're "not able" for the drink anymore.

10. The Scabby Friend

Your tight friend usually says things like "I'm actually broke" or "I don't have a penny" but receives more ASOS packages than the GPO, goes on more trips than Kathryn Thomas and NEVER tips.

11. The Bailer

You make the plans, you set the date and they text you with the usual "yay! Can't wait xoxoxoox". The day of the plans roll around and there's nothing but radio silence. Eventually, you get a text: "Sorry, phone on silent. I had a dodgy chicken korma last night and my stomachs in bits. Can you meet up next week for a coffee?". What a spoofer!