The Sexy Guide To Emoticons

By this stage, we all recognise the importance of smiley faces. "I'll see you tomorrow" doesn't do much for anybody, but "I'll see you tomorrow ;-)" says volumes. Thing is, there are many different emoticons and some of them are pretty unusual. What does the smiley winky face mean?! That's a combination of two things! That throws everything out of perspective. Here's what just a few of them mean. :) :P XD :@ G:

1) Sunglasses Smiley Face

What exactly does this smiley mean? It's not a casual "I'm happy" smiley, it's not a flirty "let's do this" smiley. The only time you'll ever really see this smiley is just after someone says "I'm doing <insert activity here> this weekend". As if to say, "I'm so cool!" But because we live in an age of sarcasm, they will almost definitely just be admitting to a guilty pleasure. So what does that tell you? It tells you that she likes you enough to tell you something about herself that she wouldn't tell a stranger. Whether she considers you a friend or 'more' is completely unknown unfortunately.

Are you in there?: ...maybe

2) Tongue Out Smiley Face

Another semi-tricky one, the tongue out smiley is the winky face for timid people. They don't want to come right out and use a winky face because that blatantly states "I'm into you!". They're nervous, they want to ease into this gradually, but while showing their playful side. Hence the tongue out face. It's cheeky, but can be interpreted as nothing other than that. Eg. "We know how to have fun, we're the coolest people on the block :-P"

Are you in there?: Yup!

3) Vomit Face

This is a smiley face that most people will only reserve for when they're talking about guys they really hate. Usually with their friends. So if you see this in a text message, I've bad news: you're definitely not in there. No girl wants any guy she likes to make the connection between her and vomiting. Even if it's only in a smiley face. It's just not done. The only exception to this rule is if you're having an intense argument over something she hates and she throws it in there to get across how much she despises Damien Rice. That's acceptable, but if you see this a lot, take the hint.

Are you in there?: Not a hope

4) Devilish Smiley Face

Are you ready for a revelation? The devilish smiley face doesn't actually mean they want the ride. I know! I was shocked too! There is an obvious exception to this i.e. when you see it after the sentence "I want you to bang me against your headboard". But that's obvious! You don't need to read into a smiley face because you've already got all the information you need out of that. It's only when the message is unclear that you need to interpret the little devil. When people say "let's go for a drink, we'll have a messy time!" followed by a devilish face, that usually means they want to get so messy drunk that you get sick in a post-box later that night. They want to destroy you with alcohol, not with their pelvis!

Are you in there?: Only if they literally say you are

5) Angel Smiley Face

The angel smiley face, on the other hand, is a definite sign that someone is flirting. No, this isn't opposite day, this is actually true. If someone says they're not heading out at the weekend, or they're not into some weird sex thing or something like that, they might have this at the end of their text. It doesn't mean they're an angel, OK. No one ever, ever, uses the angel face without heaps of irony. All they're actually saying is, "I'm a good girl, it'd be a shame if I was corrupted somehow. Like, you know, with sex!" It's an open invitation for flirting, so take note of that!

Are you in there?: Definitely....unless they're hardcore Christians

6) Extremely Happy Face

The really wide grin smiley, that expresses a ridiculous amount of happiness...actually isn't a good sign, if you're looking to get the ride. It's a friend smiley, if ever there was one. It says "I have a good time with you, enough that I can laugh with my pig snort laugh at stupid things". Some people might say that's bullshit, that their girlfriend or boyfriend uses it all the time. But there is a difference between someone you're trying to impress and someone you've already seen naked.

Are you in there?: Nope, sorry bro

7) The Winky Face

The come-hither face. The 'I-know-it, you-know-it' face. The face that has, let's get it on, in big neon letters all over it. You don't even need to be reading this because, if you've seen this in a text, you've definitely gotten the ride. The exception? If they're talking about someone else they're hooking up with. It could mean an invite to a threesome...but how likely is that, really?

Are you in there?: Oooooh yeah

8) The Shocked Face

If you're flirting with someone and the shocked face pops up, it is either extremely bad, or extremely, extremely bad. It all depends on what comes after. If you make a suggestion and you see a shocked face pop up, followed by a generic "what are you even talking about?" message, then just back away swiftly. It can only mean bad news, if not the worst news. That said, if they reply with a shocked face, followed by a winky face, you are so in there! The winky face on its own is flirty. The shocked/winky combo is more or less sex talk.

Are you in there?: Without a wink, no hope. With a wink, absolutely.

9) Uneasy Face

Sorry to say, but this face has no hidden meanings; it does exactly what it says on the tin. If you see this in a message, it's basically just a buzzkill for the mood. Unlike the angry face, which can be a little playful, most people only use this when they're genuinely uncomfortable or unhappy with something. It's the facial equivalent of sighing in someone's face. The only time it's ever a good sign is if someone uses it when they text you to say they can't meet up, or they won't see you this week. Otherwise, total penis deflation.

Are you in there?: You couldn't be less in there

10) Regular Smiley Face

The most evilly ambiguous smiley of them all! You can read almost anything into this smiley, depending on the sentence that comes before it. The one thing that is guaranteed from it is that the person in question likes you, so that's something. The only time you can know for definite if it means anything is if someone sends you a bunch of these when you've just met them and started texting them. If you get a smiley face after every second message, or every time they say something nice, then it's a pretty good sign you're in there. Be wary of this though, some people use these things like commas, so they mean nothing at all.

Are you in there??????????

11) Unhappy Face

Some might say this means, very simply, I am sad. The End. We're done. Not so! Sure, if they're talking about homeless puppy orphans, then yes, it's a very simple "I'm sad" message. That said, if someone is using when talking about what a long day they had, or if they don't like their boss, that's a demand for sympathy. They want you to say "Awwww, poor baby!". Be wary of teases though, some people just like the attention. If they have a reputation for that sort of thing, don't waste your time on them. Save your awwww's for the classy ladies. ;)