Now that Halloween is well and truly upon us it is with nostalgic eyes we look back at a youth spent knick-knocking, plundering sweets and generally being a gurrier.
But alas, in your twenties, those days are but a memory. Unless you follow our fail safe guide to trick or treating in your twenties.
1) Have A Party Piece Ready To Go
Whatever age you really are, all that really matters when you turn up on someone's door is whether you're willing to do a party piece. Be it a song, a dance, slam poetry. As long as you show that you've made an effort, those peanuts are as good as yours.
2) Borrow Some Children
What better excuse to go trick or treating then to borrow a suitable nephew or niece in order to mask your pathetic attempt to recapture your youth. Best ask the parents before you take them though. The other option is to have children but this might be too expensive in the long run.
3) Wear Shoes On Your Knees
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Or better yet, if someone rumbles the knee shoe routine pretend you are one kid on top the other's shoulder.
4) Disguise Yourself
Chuck on a mask of any description and repeatedly tell people you're simply big-boned in a squeaky voice.
5) Tell Any Naysayers That Your Childhood Was Robbed And This Is Your Way Of Getting It Back
The Michael Jackson defence. Claim that terrible childhood circumstances outside of your control meant that you never experienced Halloween properly. Make sure its a good sob story, you don't want a dry eye in the house.
6) Tell People Your Collecting Sweets For Charity
The charity of you. Heh, heh.
7) Be Honest
Tell them the truth. You are a pathetic misty eyed fool that wanted to return to simpler times when you had no responsibilities and happiness was a bag of sweets.
