Today, this day right now, is Valentine's Day and as such it is a time for all the singletons of the world to take pity on their becoupled friends. Look at them, look at their evident anxiety, writ large across their haranagued faces. Watch them scurry around as they flounder, evidently out of their depths, attempting to cobble together some series of gifts that seems suitably amorous and yet not too contrived. It is a task that will destroy even the most composed, competent individual. I have seen grown men break down and weep as they cradle two different floral vases in a homeware store, wracked with doubt and loathing as they fundamentally realise they have no idea which one their spouse would prefer.
Singletons, rejoice that ye are free of this tyranny; the tyranny of gift-giving. If someone were to say to you the choice of either having to go out to pay for an over-priced meal in an incredibly busy restaurant who said they had space available but really have just decided to erect a clearly temporary table right in the pathway of the waiting staff to the kitchen so that they have to awkwardly squeeze past you while you sit trying to talk to one another over the defeaning sound of other couples desperately trying to advertise their love for one another, or, would you rather have a night in eating ice-cream and watching movies.
The latter, any sane, rational person would choose the latter. Even when you temper it with the fact that in the latter scenario you are alone and accompanied by an inescapable hunch that you might forevermore be alone, it is still a largely preferable situation.
And, as if the deal meted out to the singleton on Valentine's Day were not sweet enough on its own merits Pornhub have announced that all of its premium content will be available to its users for free for today and today only. Eternal singledom just got that bit more bearable.
