Why "The One" Might Be The Person You Least Expect

You've known since you were 7: you want to marry a guy who has brown, scruffy hair, not too long in the back, and has big biceps and a bit of a stomach (dad-bod alert), who weighs approximately 180 pounds and is 6'2", and who curses like a sailor, cause let's face it, you do too. In other words, you have a type. You've thinking your type really isn't that specific and you don't understand why you haven't found him yet. Actually, you've found a couple who came close to that, but they wound up being shit. So where the fuck is your Prince Charming?

The thing is that while we are all kinda drawn to a certain type - maybe blondes, baseball players, twins, CEOs - we might have to look outside our type to find "the one." When you close yourself off to everyone who doesn't fit your type, you're missing a lot of potential mates who may have suited you better than any of the mould-fitting men you've met and swiped right on.

Part of the issue with your "type" is that we often get fixated on one simple trait that, if it really came down to say you were gonna marry and grow old with and be fucking laid to rest in the ground next to, wouldn't matter. My go-to example is height. I've had two serious boyfriends, and guess what, they've both been shorter than me. If you asked me my type, I'd say I want a guy so tall I was standing on my tiptoes to reach up to his stubbly, chiselled face. But the two guys I met and really wanted to get to know better happened to be short. I have friends who are really strict on their type. They wouldn't have given a short guy a second glance. But because I stayed and allowed them to flirt with me and win me over, I wound up having two really meaningful relationships.

Another issue is when we think about "type" we're typically thinking of what we want right now. You're like okay, I want really hot sex and I really want a Coach bag at the moment, so let's go with hot guy with money. Sounds good, right? But what if hot guy with money is super selfish and would be the shittiest parent you've ever seen, and you want kids someday. If our type is only going to satisfy our current needs, then it really isn't helpful if you're looking for something long-term or for "The One." Your type might make you super happy in your twenties but what is mature, successful, forty-something you going to want?

My other issue with the "type," who you expect to be Mr. Right, is that we so often base what we think we want in romance and not in friendship. To be grossly cliché, you want to marry your best friend. Yeah, you're gonna have sex and hopefully have some candlelit dinners and a romantic honeymoon to write home about, but you're going to hang out with this person and talk to this person every day. You want someone who isn't just good with pick-up lines and foreplay, but who's good with talking to you late into the night and who shares common interests with you so you can go to hipster thrift stores or football games together. We get so set on imagining the perfect boyfriend that we ignore the perfect friend. Maybe look at the perfect friend in your life again.

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